It's been a while since I've actually written something substantial, where I did not just talk about my day or something so mundane like that. I've been having a massive writer's block, and it has been annoying me to no end. I really want to write a song; I want to get forward and be able to have lyrics to a song, but I can't. Everything I try to form sounds so stupid. Last night I went to the poster show, and listened to four different amazing musicians. I can't ever understand how people write songs, but there they were, and they sang and played so effortlessly. One of them had just written a song two hours before.
But anyways. I'm going to try to just say whatever I want. Lately I haven't really been observing things in life, I've just been going blindly, feeling things and not quite knowing why they are that way. I think I've been spending too much time with people, and not enough with myself. When I was lonely I could write a lot better, let me just say that. But maybe I don't mind; it's kind of a one or the other thing, and right now I would choose people. Certain people, though. Some people I cannot stand, like the group of teenagers on the c-train or bus that decides to be obnoxious simply because there are a lot of them there, or people who decide to walk very slowly in front of you. There are interesting people, though; last night while walking back to the c-train station, Megan and I walked behind three guys who walked the entire way linking arms. The guy in the middle simply held his own hands behind his back. We walked fast the entire time we were behind them so we could try to understand why they were doing that, but we only realized other things but the point we wanted to get. But anyways. I don't know. Sometimes when I go golfing alone, I just start thinking of people. People I miss, people I wish I said certain things to. I have definitely changed this year, and the one thing I hate about it is that I cannot create anything what so ever. Have I become more shallow?! Do I just not care? It all worries me. I used to be afraid of change; now I don't really know what to think.
There's still a lot of things that bother me about myself right now. Like the fact that I stick my nose up to other people's music; and I feel really bad about that. Like, it's their choice, and just because they don't like my music doesn't make them any less. Yet, why do I still do it? I feel bad for Kaitlyn, who I always make fun of for her music. I'm a jerk sometimes. I should probably work on thinking before I speak. Although sometimes that's such a problem for me; that I do think before I speak, and I think about it for hours and hours, analyzing the situations that could arise from a simple phrase. I remember before when I would imagine something I'd say, and the scenario that would go from it, but when I did say it, it would not go the way I wanted and I end up looking like a fool. Now I don't do that so much. Now, I don't really say what I want to say at all.
listening to: careless - honeybear
But anyways. I'm going to try to just say whatever I want. Lately I haven't really been observing things in life, I've just been going blindly, feeling things and not quite knowing why they are that way. I think I've been spending too much time with people, and not enough with myself. When I was lonely I could write a lot better, let me just say that. But maybe I don't mind; it's kind of a one or the other thing, and right now I would choose people. Certain people, though. Some people I cannot stand, like the group of teenagers on the c-train or bus that decides to be obnoxious simply because there are a lot of them there, or people who decide to walk very slowly in front of you. There are interesting people, though; last night while walking back to the c-train station, Megan and I walked behind three guys who walked the entire way linking arms. The guy in the middle simply held his own hands behind his back. We walked fast the entire time we were behind them so we could try to understand why they were doing that, but we only realized other things but the point we wanted to get. But anyways. I don't know. Sometimes when I go golfing alone, I just start thinking of people. People I miss, people I wish I said certain things to. I have definitely changed this year, and the one thing I hate about it is that I cannot create anything what so ever. Have I become more shallow?! Do I just not care? It all worries me. I used to be afraid of change; now I don't really know what to think.
There's still a lot of things that bother me about myself right now. Like the fact that I stick my nose up to other people's music; and I feel really bad about that. Like, it's their choice, and just because they don't like my music doesn't make them any less. Yet, why do I still do it? I feel bad for Kaitlyn, who I always make fun of for her music. I'm a jerk sometimes. I should probably work on thinking before I speak. Although sometimes that's such a problem for me; that I do think before I speak, and I think about it for hours and hours, analyzing the situations that could arise from a simple phrase. I remember before when I would imagine something I'd say, and the scenario that would go from it, but when I did say it, it would not go the way I wanted and I end up looking like a fool. Now I don't do that so much. Now, I don't really say what I want to say at all.
listening to: careless - honeybear
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