will i ever see you again

I think I like you again, and it's begun to engrave in my mind and I start trying to compromise myself in order to get this to work. I think about all the things that went wrong, and I try to think about how to change and bend and fix it because I do miss you. I miss holding you hand and hanging out with you, I miss those moments we had, even though those moments were rare. I want more of them, I want to embrace you. Right now our relationship is so great, and it feels better than it has ever been before, so what's the harm in trying again? It seems like we are so much more connected now. We ended it before because we were too different, but suddenly it sometimes feels like we're the same, and that you're the only one who understands me when I'm actually myself. Maybe I'm just convincing myself that it will work out, and maybe I'm just in love with the concept, but right now all I think about is you. Last night I kept myself up all night creating scenarios where I confess to you all of this. I'd ask if you want to go for coffee one day after school, because I owe you, and then we'd joke around and be weird walking to Starbucks. After we get our coffee I tell you that I still like you, and that maybe we could give it another chance, and then from there it ends because I have absolutely no idea what your thoughts on me are. I mean, that Friday it felt like we were so in touch, but I'm not sure if you consider me only a friend or if you've thought this, or if I'm even a close enough friend to you now. And then after that, I imagine myself hanging out with you more, at lunch, during band, after school. Maybe I'm just hoping that you'll take the first step, because I've never before.

I had a really good day at work yesterday. Erica worked with me yesterday, and she is just so much fun! It's probably because she is only two years older than me, and she doesn't really take things seriously. I think I actually acted like myself at work, I felt kind of crazy .. especially with the scissors. "Allison, easy there! I don't feel like getting stabbed by a ninja today!" I told Adam that he was a jerk, because he is always a jerk to me as a joke, and we got in a bit of a argument, but we resolved it all at lunch. He drew me a picture from my textbook to say sorry, which was extremely awesome. Especially when he described it to me .. "'I'm going to get me some rabbit tonight! Oh no! I can't brake because my wings are stuck at this bent angle! At least my face is really small, and flat.' And then what do you the rabbit's thinking? 'Grass grass grass, yum yum yum! Ouch! What just hit me in the ass?'" It was fun. I was totally in the work zone!

listening to: thrice all american - neko case and her boyfriends