help me, help me, help me, help me, help me.

Can anybody hear me?  Is anybody listening?

Help.

if y'all over eighteen, you better be headin' to the bar and gettin' DRUNK

What a good time.

If I had my camera with me, I probably would have attached a picture.  However, pretty much all my stuff is at Cailey's house.  Including my RUNNERS.  That was probably the worst thing that has ever happened to me in the history of my life.  But I'll talk about that later.

The ceremony was super long, but it was actually really cool seeing my friends walk across that stage and get their empty black book.  And it was so beautiful!  And my parents were so happy.  They took me out for sushi after the ceremony, which was delicious, and then I picked up Ramon's boutonierre that we ended up not using (sad face).  After that I headed off to Cailey's house, and we did our nails, makeup, and hair.  I'm glad they know how to put on makeup because I definitely didn't.  And Tess curled my hair for me, which was also quite exciting.  Everyone looked so amazing!  We rode a limo to the Roundup Centre and saw even more beautiful people!  Like, everyone was just so gorgeous!  I didn't want to go inside because it was so nice and sunny, and I just wanted to see more and more people.  

My shoes, however, killed so badly.  For the first while they were fine, but after waiting for like fifteen minutes to get into the banquet, it actually hurt to stay standing.  The food was decent, I saw more and more people, and the speeches were way better than Alex Anderson's (zing).  I especially liked Schrotty's and Beland's.  During one of the speeches Bronwyn threw a piece of gum at my mouth, and I caught it!  Which was amazing.  There were high fives all around at the table.  The dance was so fun, even though it hurt so bad, and then when we finally could get changed to go party I found out .. that I had left the shoes I went to Cailey's house in at her house.  So I had no extra shoes.  Luckily, Mikki's mom lent me her shoes.  But they were really stiff and pinchy, so they started hurting after a while too.  Which was no good because I ended up going to Wildwood with the rest of my limo party (we didn't get to use the last hour of the limo, boo) and dancing the whole time.  It was crazy how many people were grinding each other, let me say.  My feet hurt so badly that it was all I could think about.  It was so crowded, and lots of people were drinking, and it was super hot.  But I had a lot of fun.  After like an hour and a half, Mikki, Ramon, and I got picked up by Mikki's mom and we went to Bronwyn's aftergrad party.  Mikki's mom traded shoes with me again (her shoes for her runners) and I am so thankful for that!  Paintball was quite as fun as I thought it would be, mainly because I suck at shooting and I am afraid of getting hit.  We played until we were out of ammo and then we played lasertag, which I thought was infinitely better.  Even though I suck at that too.  We went to Denny's at around four in the morning.  We ordered our food at like 4:30 and we didn't get it until 5:15, which was pretty crazy.  A bunch of us took naps while waiting because we were so tired.  There was a couple in the parking lot that we all were creeping because of the fact that they had been making out for a good forty five minutes.  It was the worst.  Another group of Abe grads came in to Denny's when we were almost done our food.  When we did finish our food, the couple came in, and defying all of our pleas that a) they would not come in and b) they were Abe students, they came into Denny's and were recognized as people who go to our school.  Gross.  They sat with the other group of people.

We finally paid and were out of Denny's at 6:15, and then I dropped off Mikki and Adam and went home where I fell asleep two minutes after I closed my eyes.  It was such a great night!  I can't wait until I get my stuff so I can look at all of the pictures.

listening to:  stella was a diver and she was always down - interpol

i only heard what i wanted

I stole a box of icecream sandwiches today.  I also skipped English class to go golf with Bronwyn's gym class.  And I hit a hole in one when golfing with Christie.  What a day of firsts.  I wrote a really, really good story that I'm proud of.  I've never had that .. where I write something that even I love.  I want everyone to read it just because I love it so much.  I love it so much that I'm not self conscious about it.  I don't care if everyone else hates it, because I am just so proud of it.  It only took seventeen years of my life, hey?  Anyways.  After writing that story I've started to pay more attention to the things that I think about.  I think about how many times I look down at my feet, because I'm self conscious of my legs.  I think about how I have so many thoughts but I end up stuffing 95% of those thoughts in the back of my mind because I don't want to tell anybody.  Today Bronwyn and I had a heart to heart, which is something I haven't had in a long time, and it felt really good to finally tell someone all of the thoughts I have choked down for the past year.  

I don't write in this very often.  I also don't see Heather very often, who I love very much.  I am trying to golf more often, grad is coming up fairly soon and I still think about the wrong things way too often.

listening to:  in our bedroom after the war - stars

incredibly close

I feel so frustrated today, like if I am trapped inside myself.  I don't feel close to anyone.  I feel alone and lonely and tired and I wish that my friends would have told me that they were going hiking instead of canoeing.  I hate being left out.  I hate missing things, like inside jokes and laughs and car rides.  I just feel detached from everything and everyone.

listening to:  never turn your back on mother earth - neko case

wow wow wow

Sled Island and Folk Fest are blowing my mind!  I honestly can't wait for school to be over ... Final Fantasy?  In Calgary?  Playing in a church?  With his AMAZING LOOPING AND VOICE AND VIOLIN PLAYING??  Honestly that one show alone will make my life, especially since I didn't get to see his main concert when he was here at Folk Fest.  I loveeee Final Fantasy.

And then Iron & Wine and The Acorn are coming to Folk Fest!  And I'm volunteering at both festivals so hopefully that means free!  Yes I am frugal.  But that's just cause I've already paid (pretty much in full) my golf membership.  I think that will be good for me because then I will go out every day .. once I'm done my AP exam.  Which is in 11 days.  My study schedule starts tomorrow, we'll see how things go.  Also, I finished all of the math homework I was behind on all week.  We also finished our radio play in English, I did a lot of work in chemistry, and I practiced using four mallets on the marimba for my entire spare.  It was a pretty productive day too.  It felt pretty good.

listening to:  easier to lie - aqualung