it's just like you to hurt me when i'm feeling good

I've got a whole palette, but I only want to paint with one colour. Honestly. Seven days left, I mark each day with another scar on my bone. I've ripped up all of my floorboards trying to get my hands on anything that reminds me of you. Everything reminds me of you, and my house is clean. My hands have touched everything. My hands need to be on you.

I thought of stuff I should have written down last night, but it was too hot and I was too tired, and yet again I've forgotten it all. I remember it sounded pretty good at the time.

listening to: november steppes - kris ellestad

all that i could think was "please don't blow this"

So I haven't really talked much at all about Sled Island, so here it is in a nutshell! All in all, it was amazing, and I think there's still some stuff going on tomorrow, but I'll be working unfortunately so today will be the end of this super festival for me. Anyways;

Tuesday
Poster show at Circa Showroom: so I got Megan to come with me to this, because really, who wants to go to a show alone? We got there a bit late because the bus took forever to come, and we had no idea where the Circa gallery was since it was discreetly in the back. The posters there were lovely, but I didn't bring any cash with me, so unfortunately we didn't buy any of them. Megan wanted to go home early because they had just gotten home from backpacking that day, but after we sat down to listen to Honeybear, we just got swept away. His voice is so dreamy. It's just so laid back and it swoops up and down so effortlessly. Knots played, and he had a really great voice too, but I only actually liked one of his songs. After him was Indiensoci, or Raphaelle. Personally, I like her a lot more in The Neighbourhood Council, but even she admitted that her set wasn't up to her standards. I really liked her looping, it was reminiscent of Final Fantasy. It was just very busy music, that's all. Throughout the sets, more and more people eventually came to look at the posters and have a beer, so it got really loud. Thankfully, when it was Kris Ellestad's turn to play, he asked us all to go listen to him outside. I must say, each time I listen to Kris Ellestad, I love his music more and more. The way he sings is so captivating.

Wednesday
Kris Ellestad, Woodpigeon, and Grizzly Bear at Central United Church: I had been looking forward to this show for a while. I ran into Rebecca while waiting in line, so I sat with her, and eventually Heather and Michael met up with us. The acoustics in the church and the sound was perfect, and so when Kris Ellestad started, his voice cut into the air and it was like a massage for my brain. He ended his set with another rendition of The Secret, with all of the members of Woodpigeon adding their instumental touches and blowing my mind. After that set, Woodpigeon played. I just have to say, I love Woodpigeon. I've listened to their songs from Songbook and Sketchbook over and over again. I believe they played all new songs, and it was really, really good. Their harmonies, and piano, and violin, and just everything mixed together created such a perfect sound. Grizzly Bear ended the night, and holy crap. I was kind of into Grizzly Bear, but I hadn't really listened to them that much. I am a sucker for harmonies, and that's what Grizzly Bear is all about. I especially loved Marla, it was just so perfect in that setting. Church concerts are just so great.

Thursday
Portico, Young and Sexy, Octoberman, and Chad VanGaalen at the Telus World of Science: This show I went to alone because I couldn't find anyone to go with me. And I was late, because I hung out with Gavin beforehand. I got in right as Portico finished their set. Apparently Octoberman got lost, so Young and Sexy played in their place. They were good, with girl-boy harmonies and stuff, but it sounded a bit ordinary. Octoberman played after them, and they were quite good. A bit tired, but still. Chad the man played last. I only knew three or four of the songs he played, and only one was off of an album (Mini TVs). It was still so good, though. A couple times he messed up, and would stop to apologize, or explain why, and it just made him so much more endearing. His animations playing behind him were so cool too. I love his stories and his voice. I think the best song that night was either Willow Tree or Molten Light, both of them in which Matt Flagel plays the accordion. They were so eerily beautiful.

Friday
Mainstage at Mewata Field: So I volunteered this day, so couldn't really listen to the music. I paid attention to it during The Wet Secrets, though. They sounded pretty sweet from where I was. After I got really hungry, I took a forty minute break and watched Broken West and Portastatic. I didn't really listen very carefully, though. After my shift ended, my sister and I watched Yo La Tengo for fifteen minutes before booking it to the Martha Cohen theatre. Mike, Kirstin and I left that show to go back to the main stage. We caught the last couple songs by Tegan and Sara. One of them was Living Room, which is the one song by them I'm like HOLY CRAP YES! And I did feel like that, it was impressive. But the main reason we booked it (or at least, my main reason) was to catch Broken Social Scene. Holy crap I love those guys. And when I say guys, I mean that no female vocalists were at the show. Even though that would have made it so much more amazing, they were still really great. They played some Broken Social Scene songs (KC Accidental, Fire Eye'd Boy, Cause = Time, Ibi Dreams of Pavement), some Kevin Drew songs (Farewell To The Pressure Kids, F--ked Up Kid, Frightening Lives), and one Brendan Canning song (Churches Under The Stairs). Ibi was so great, it was loud and just .. wow. I love them.
The Neighbourhood Council, BBQ, Azeda Booth, and Deerhunter at the Martha Cohen Theatre: The Neighbourhood Council was one of the bands I really wanted to see. Their live show is always so amazing, and I listen to their tracks nonstop. So when they played in the Theatre, it was perfect because it just held their sound so well. They are such a cohesive group, they are always together. It's amazing to watch Austin and Taylor both play the drums, because they hit exactly at the right time, their rim shots and crashes synchronized. Marlin was so good to listen to because it's just such an awesome song. One of their newer songs they played I love too. At the end everyone requested one last song ("play that first one off your album!"), and after some persuasion, they picked up their instruments and nailed it. They hit everything so well, and we all gave them a standing ovation because they deserved it. I didn't stick around for BBQ or Azeda Booth, but I came back to listen to some of Deerhunter. Their lead singer is hilarious; the bassist is too. The ending of their last song (Strange Lights) was the longest and most epic ending I've ever heard. It went on for probably twenty minutes, it was noisy and loud and just crazy. The bassist apparently didn't have to play anything, so he threw down his guitar and fooled around on the stage, then left, then came back and just hung around. I think it could have ended a lot earlier, but it was just really funny to watch. I'm going to have to check out more of their music.

Saturday
Mainstage at Mewata Field: I had to work today, so I didn't manage to get to the stage until quarter past seven. Luckily, of Montreal was still playing, so I got to listen to about half of their set. That half was spectacular, it was quite the show, with guys dancing around in animal masks, and fake wrestling matches, and shooting confetti around. of Montreal sounded top notch too. I love their harmonies. Their last song was Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse, which I was so glad I didn't miss because it's my favourite song by them. It was so good, so fun to dance to. I wasn't too impressed by Wire, or Mogwai, but The Dodos were SO. GREAT. They are two guys, one who plays guitar, and does lead vocals (and plays a bit of trombone), and one who drums. There was also another guy who popped up in the middle to play the toy piano and the garbage can. Their music is so exciting! And I love the looping. I'm jealous of my sister, who gets to see them again at the Legion .. probably right now!

But anyways, yeah! That was Sled Island for me, and if you didn't go to anything, then I just have to ask .. WHY??? I can't wait for it to happen next year already!

listening to: pacific theme - broken social scene

i got shot right in the eye

1. Times I have seen members of The Neighbourhood Council: seven; times I have talked to a member of The Neighbourhood Council: one! I somehow ended up sitting next to Katie at the Chad VanGaalen show, and we chatted it up a bit. She is cool.
2. After Chad VanGaalen finished playing, as I was leaving the Discovery Dome, he waved and said hi to me. I waved back.
3. Going down the stairs in the Science Center, I walked beside the front singer of Young and Sexy, and told him I liked his set. He said thanks.
4. Walking across the street to my dad's car, the drummer from Young and Sexy waves to me.
5. After Tegan and Sara finish playing the mainstage, Mike, Kirstin, and I go to the backstage area and wait a bit because Tegan and Sara are seriously three feet in front of us. After waiting for a little while, Tegan/Sara comes up to us and says hi, and apologizes because she is going to go greet her family members. I give her a high five, even though it's a bit feeble.
6. Before the Neighbourhood Council plays, my sister introduces me to Mark Hamilton.
   
7. After Broken Social Scene plays, I go with my younger sister to look at the merchandise, only to find out that she has no money. I have no idea where Mike or Kirstin went, so after meeting up with my dad, I run backstage to see if they are there. Instead, I see Andrew Whiteman. I tell him I loved his show, and that I jumped from another show just to see it. He asks for my name, and he introduces himself, even though I know who he is. He shakes my hand.
8. I keep running further to see if Mike or Kirstin are there, but they are not. As I'm coming back, I see Kevin Drew and so I wait for him to finish talking to somebody else. I tell him I loved their show (yeah I know, I'm so original), and he thanks me. He goes to shake my hand, but I ask for a high five instead. We kind of miss on the first try, so we do it a second time. It's solid.
9. As I'm continuing on my way back to my dad, I see Brendan Canning and I stop to say hi. He compliments my shirt (I was wearing my Islands one), and I tell him that I would've bought one of theirs, but I had no money. He says, "awe, well give me a hug, honey" and so I do. It was a nice hug. I say goodbye and I run off.
   

i can't find the cello or yet the french horn

1. While at the Sled Island poster show, a guy kicks my shoe and asks for a high five. It turns out he mistook me for my sister. It turns out he was Jordan from Azeda Booth.
2. Kris Ellestad asks me if Megan and I will go outside to listen to him perform. Unfortunately, I was on the phone and could not really listen to him.
3. After the Grizzly Bear show last night, while talking to my sister, Chad VanGaalen comes strolling along with his bike and starts talking to my sister's friends. As much as I wanted to say something to him, and although my sister was going to find a way to cut into the conversation, she got distracted and started talking to Taylor from The Neighbourhood Council. I still cannot talk to anyone from The Neighbourhood Council out of fear that I will sound like a dork (times I have seen members of The Neighbourhood Council: five).
   

everyone knows where the wind blows through your hair

It's been a while since I've actually written something substantial, where I did not just talk about my day or something so mundane like that. I've been having a massive writer's block, and it has been annoying me to no end. I really want to write a song; I want to get forward and be able to have lyrics to a song, but I can't. Everything I try to form sounds so stupid. Last night I went to the poster show, and listened to four different amazing musicians. I can't ever understand how people write songs, but there they were, and they sang and played so effortlessly. One of them had just written a song two hours before.

But anyways. I'm going to try to just say whatever I want. Lately I haven't really been observing things in life, I've just been going blindly, feeling things and not quite knowing why they are that way. I think I've been spending too much time with people, and not enough with myself. When I was lonely I could write a lot better, let me just say that. But maybe I don't mind; it's kind of a one or the other thing, and right now I would choose people. Certain people, though. Some people I cannot stand, like the group of teenagers on the c-train or bus that decides to be obnoxious simply because there are a lot of them there, or people who decide to walk very slowly in front of you. There are interesting people, though; last night while walking back to the c-train station, Megan and I walked behind three guys who walked the entire way linking arms. The guy in the middle simply held his own hands behind his back. We walked fast the entire time we were behind them so we could try to understand why they were doing that, but we only realized other things but the point we wanted to get. But anyways. I don't know. Sometimes when I go golfing alone, I just start thinking of people. People I miss, people I wish I said certain things to. I have definitely changed this year, and the one thing I hate about it is that I cannot create anything what so ever. Have I become more shallow?! Do I just not care? It all worries me. I used to be afraid of change; now I don't really know what to think.

There's still a lot of things that bother me about myself right now. Like the fact that I stick my nose up to other people's music; and I feel really bad about that. Like, it's their choice, and just because they don't like my music doesn't make them any less. Yet, why do I still do it? I feel bad for Kaitlyn, who I always make fun of for her music. I'm a jerk sometimes. I should probably work on thinking before I speak. Although sometimes that's such a problem for me; that I do think before I speak, and I think about it for hours and hours, analyzing the situations that could arise from a simple phrase. I remember before when I would imagine something I'd say, and the scenario that would go from it, but when I did say it, it would not go the way I wanted and I end up looking like a fool. Now I don't do that so much. Now, I don't really say what I want to say at all.

listening to: careless - honeybear