what happens when you die?!

Because classes and classes of science have told me that nothing disappears. Where do all of your thoughts and memories and feelings go when your brain stops? Who are you after you're dead? You're just a body, you're just a statistic. You are only a physical reminder of who you used to be.

I think that is the one thing that scares me about dying.. not having any more thoughts. Thinking is all that I do! I think that is the only reason I write this blog, because if I didn't and I died, nobody would know who I was.

listening to: red sun no. 5 - owen pallett

so this is happiness

Lately I've been going out in the dark and taking pictures of snow-covered trees, because they are beautiful and it feels more like me. Bronwyn and I hung out yesterday because she lost her keys and went to find me at work to use my cell phone ... we ended up driving to DQ for dinner, going to her religion class, buying pizza, and picking up her sister. Today I went to go see Avatar with Tallan, Bronwyn, Natalie, and Sheila, and it was the best. My laugh felt real.

i don't know

Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep for the second time, my sister said something extremely rude to me. I was so angry I cried, and I couldn't stop crying and my blanket and pillow were soaked and the right side of my chest hurt.

please please me

Every day I feel like I know less and less people.

It feels weird to go to one class and then play cards at Mac Hall for an hour and a half after. So much wasted time. I really don't have much to do, though, so I'm not going to feel guilty.

listening to: get back - the beatles

woooooooo!

Yesterday was absolutely hilarious. I worked for six hours, and then went to Jenny's house for her birthday. The other girls got me to dress up (I had to borrow everyone's everything, and they put makeup on me) and then we headed over to this guy name Jason's house to go predrink. After a couple shots of vodka, and trying to figure out rides (which apparently was extremely hard), we all went down to the Whiskey. It was pretty much dead when we got there. Jenny got a couple more drinks. The girls drank. I chilled out with the guys. More drinks. Pretty soon, all the girls were dancing and I was hanging out at the table with all the guys. I talked to Paul a lot and it was pretty fun. He bought us a round of drinks, and then occasionally I'd see Jenny and all the other girls dancing and I couldn't help but laugh! Jenny was so drunk she was being supported by everyone else, and every few minutes someone would shout "happy birthday Jenny!" and everyone would chant her name, and everyone else would look at us like we were crazy. I loved it. Dancing with them was fun. A guy I met that night (but I can't remember his name!) who was friends with Jenny kept doing cheesy dance moves with me, and then he kept asking me why I wouldn't go and dance. So we all danced around together. I helped one of the girls go to the washroom because she was done and everyone kept telling us to cut her off. It was fun but I'm not the biggest fan of clubs so I left early with Gabe. Everyone was so drunk! It was so amusing.