this is why I never hold a grudge against you, love

I sent a text to you last night asking if you were there, I was praying that you were because I want to know that you're OK. I couldn't sleep for a while, I just had my mind racing with things I wanted to say to you, things I wanted you to hear. I wanted to wake up and see a new text from you, I wanted your number to appear saying that you were OK, but where are you? Where were you? I just looked at my site statistics and your IP was there. Are you ignoring me? Are you mad at me? I'm sorry for everything I've done. I'm sorry for being so negligent, that I'm not interesting, that I'm too analytical, that I can never say what I want to say at the right time. I'm sorry I'm not self confident, I'm sorry that I suck. I'm sorry I gave you that note, it was shitty. I'm sorry that I'm always looking behind me, that I can't let go of the past. But I miss it. I miss October, I miss our treks downtown and getting our eyebrows waxed, even though it hurt. I miss the bio trip, sleeping in the same bed as you that night might have been the best night of my life. I loved talking you to sleep, I loved how close we were that night and how I have never cared so much for anyone as I did for you back then. But that was back then, and suddenly everything changed. Why did it have to change? I guess it was inevitable. I know we should just keep going forward, but why can't we be close again? Why did we have to grow so apart? Why don't we ever talk on the phone anymore? Why is it that before I had 10 pages of conversation on Nexopia, and now it is down to one? Why didn't I think of you when I had to think of my favorite person? Why do I have to ask all these questions? You're probably annoyed of all of this, you're probably sick of being my friend. I'm sorry I'm such a bad friend. I'm sorry I'm sorry. I hope you understand.

Please reply.