you're a ghost

So this is the official 100th post, so this will have to equate epic .. ness. Today was decent, I guess. On the way to school, 1 2 3 4 by Feist came on the radio, which was awesome because firstly it just might be my favorite song, and I never hear it on the radio. I've never heard any Feist on the radio at all. So anyways, I took that as a sign that today would be a good day. So during English, it was Aidan's and Hailey's project, and I know it's harsh, but it wasn't really that exciting. I was hoping for a game show because it pumps me up and makes me really excited, but they had a group discussion instead, which was unfortunate. Pam and Monica's project, though, had a game show and for every right answer you got a brownie! Ultimately awesome. Plus, their setup was amazing, and Pam let us have the silhouettes for our project, because the images Jocelyne got for us were hilariously terrible. But anyways. After I won two brownies, everyone said that I shouldn't be allowed anymore, which I think was unfair because why should I get punished for being knowledgeable? After that, we got to work on our projects, and we went through ours and decided it was pretty good. The student teacher yelled at me a whole bunch of times because I was talking and high fiving. Since when was that a bad thing? I just like being loud because it invokes my emotions. Bio and social studies really brought me down, just the learning process. I really didn't get what was happening, nothing really clicked for me. I'm glad you care, and that you actually noticed because I barely noticed myself. You're a really nice guy, I'm glad we met and that we're friends, and that nothing will be changing because right now everything is perfect as is. I really hope everything stays the same, because I have this problem where I let people close to me just slip away for no reason. I guess it's kind of like my music. For a long period of time, I will be in love with a band or a song, and then one day I'll just wake up and it'll sound exactly the same, but my brain won't appreciate it anymore. I'm really sorry that I'm just pushing things aside for certain people, and that I don't have my priorities straight. I wish that I didn't stack people up and that there was enough time in a day to spend an equal amount of time with everybody. I wish there was a day where everybody did nothing so if you called somebody and said, "hey, are you busy today?" they'd say, "heinz no, you want to hang out?" and it would be perfect. I've been trying really hard to create lyrics the past days, I can't believe how hard it is to make my words not sound like shit. Right now everything I think of sounds cheesy and over processed. Yesterday I wrote something, and by the time I had submitted it, I had edited it so many times some parts didn't really make sense, but I kind of liked it and I hope other people like it too. I wish my mind could see everything like that, like if I was wearing 3D glasses. I could see every single layer of the simplest object and see just how it connects to your mind. I wish I could write the simplest things that could just break your heart, I always loved things done simply. I have to think of a secret to post for the Iconographer's Postsecret, but the thing is that I have so many secrets. But none of them are interesting, or I'm too scared to say them. The thing I'm most afraid of is that I'll end up posting something really dishonest. But anyways. I want to write something like Final Fantasy or Chad VanGaalen, their lyrics are absolutely amazing. I looked them up all during work on Saturday to try to get some inspiration, but it didn't work. I want to write something about morse code, or falling stars, or black ink. Something insignificant that you have to look further into, but I'm not good enough for that. Wait! Stop! Stop thinking like that. Actually, I think my self deprecating has decreased by a lot, or maybe I've just stopped showing it outwardly as much, because sometimes when I can't fall asleep at night I count all of my flaws, multiply them and divide them by all the mistakes I've made.

listening to: set yourself on fire - stars