you can't see that i'm the same as all the stupid people that you hate

I like being able to pass notes in band class. I like making nicknames, I wish people would make some for me. I like trying to not talk to Kaitlyn while studying and failing. I like drawing on my notes, I like how Christmas is really soon. I like how I'm focusing in school now, but not how I got a 76 on my quiz even though I studied really hard. I like laughing from the inside out. I like being enthusiastic, getting a pat on the head, watching The Importance of Being Earnest. I like getting hugs around the waist. I like American Apparel hoodies. I like taking pictures, and editing them. I like thinking of Christmas presents, but I have no idea how I'm going to get them all finished in time. I think I like myself right now.

i'm ready to tell you that you don't know what this is

Today my dad gave me the old cellphone that I used for two weeks before it broke down, because it was working again. Although it doesn't have a plan on it anymore. I went through my old text messages, and found that there was one that I had not seen before, on October 27th. It was simply this:

"<3!"

And yet it made me smile.

Tomorrow we'll be doing playing tests in band, and I've already hatched an elaborate plan that involves note passing and subtle signals.

belle won't you be my wife

I'm going to have Beauty and the Beast music stuck in my head for life. I had to write the essay today, and it is probably the worst thing I have ever written in my life. I liked my opening sentence, but that's about it. The four minute outline was alright, but still, it sucked. For my closing paragraph, I started it by quoting my friend. "Unrequited love is dumb". It is. In social studies we are going to do a debate. I'm partnered with Gavin, and I feel kind of bad because it means that Natlie has to be with Rita. And Rita isn't the greatest partner for public speaking. Bio class was especially brutal, since we had a unit test and I only studied today at lunch. I am really, really hoping that we get a hundred on the bonus project, because I'm really going to need it.

Beauty and the Beast was especially awesome tonight. Before the show, we had a relaxing exercise or something, and I found out that the show was sold out, so it meant that my sister would probably not be able to get in. So that and a whole lot of other stuff just hit me and I cried. I really don't know why I was so emotional, but when I went to the washroom I just burst out sobbing and it was really bad.

My sister managed to get in, though, and I saw her sitting in her seat and laughing, and at the end she said that she really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it. I'm sad that it's all over, and that I won't have to play it anymore. I really loved our pit band, and our group hugs and bonding times, and our imprompt bursts of nonsense. Aidan and Lindsay went on for about half an hour about "Zorgan", and just hearing them spout out the most random things was absolutely ridiculous. The cast and everyone was just so amazing, it is one of the sweetest experiences ever.

course by course, one by one

Today definitely turned out better than expected, this morning I felt just so cranky about everything. I tried to sleep in bio, but that just made me even more cranky. Especially since I missed all of the bonus projects yesterday, so I didn't get to watch my video or sing to Chelsea's bio song! That just really sucks. Alyssa sent me the file, but of course it doesn't work on my computer. Dang. But yeah, anyways. During lunch I hung out with part of "the band", so Kate, Aidan, and Henry, and that kind of boosted up my mood when everyone started talking in Chinese accents. During spare I watched the Beauty and the Beast movie with musical theatre, and I feel kind of bad because I just left Kaitlin in the library. But I just didn't feel like doing any work what so ever today. So guess who's screwed for the essay and test she has to write tomorrow.

Band was even decent today, right at the end I got really hyper with my tambourine. We headed down to Mac Hall for dinner, and then since we actually weren't needed until around six, we all just hung out in our room and relaxed. Well, actually most of us just hung around while Aidan and Lindsay made the most random comments about zen. It was interesting.

The performance itself sounded really good tonight, the audience seemed pretty into it. We sounded pretty decent too, I didn't really screw up badly on anything! And my chicken throwing was pretty on the spot. Everyone laughed at the transformation, though, which kind of sucked because you weren't supposed to be focussed on the eyebrow taking off part, but that's cool. At the end, everyone kept asking me if the kiss was real. YES.

But anyways. I'm going to try to beg my way out of writing the essay tomorrow, it's going to be brutal if I do have to write it.

both a little scared, neither one prepared

Holy fucking shit, I am so stressed right now I can't even express it. I don't want to have a test on Wednesday, or write an essay, because with the time I've had I'm not going to be ready for either. And I really don't want to start slipping this week, but I have a performance every day but Friday and it's all just too much right now. I haven't got my music down pat for Beauty and the Beast, and I'm really tired and crabby right now, and it feels like there's so much I have no control of right now, time in particular. I really want to write a good essay on Wednesday, but I have absolutely no idea what to write about, or how to write it. I guess that'll have to happen during my spare. Hopefully I'll be able to get some ideas from people who have already written the essay. But the test, ah ... I better start making flash cards.

Other than that, today was stressful but it was pretty good. Hanging around with the rest of the band today was relaxing, just anything they do is pretty hilarious. Between the first and second act, we sat in the dark in our (AWESOME) room, trying to get some rest, but suddenly everyone just started laughing and nobody got any rest. We just did random things in the dark. "HARDER! HARDER!" Oh my. By the time we were finally done running through the entire thing, we were all pretty much exhausted. But you know that things are pretty awesome when you can get changed in the same room as your ex without it being awkward.

Tomorrow I will wake up at 6:30 and go to wind ensemble, try to work on my essay and hopefully be able to do it confidently, present my social studies project, hope that I get to watch my bonus project in bio, and then it's opening night. I'm sorry if I'm angry, it's just that I hate life. Just kidding.