it won't stop rewinding!

This weekend was a pretty good one, I must say.  I've been pretty busy and I haven't really thought of updating, so I guess here it is.  I didn't get quite as much homework done as I wanted, specifically in English.  I definitely should have gotten a bunch of letters done for my Othello ABCs, but I only got one and three quarters done.  Oh well.  I'm thinking if worst comes to worst, I will do it on the eight hour plane ride to Germany and the eight hour ride back.  It's probably for the best that I spend that time away from my friends, or else we'll probably go crazy from being together and being so annoying.  Because really, that's the dynamics in our group; we annoy the heck out of each other to the point that it is absolutely hilarious.  Plus, nobody actually takes offence and it's all in good fun.  I'm just afraid that after eight hours of confined berating somebody's going to snap.  But anyways.  There is just so much English homework!  I should've read my book today so I can start on the pre-seminar, but alas, I didn't.  I guess I can do that in band .. hm.

Well enough about English and more about my weekend.  I kicked it off on Friday by going downtown with Mikalina to take photos to scrapbook for our German host families.  However, my film got messed up because I potentially screwed it all up when I forgot to take the camera off rewind when I was trying to figure it out.  Apparently I'm awesome with all technology, but when it comes down to a stupid analog camera I am an idiot.  Anyways, I think it might've run the battery when it kept rewinding, so it took a while for the camera to actually take pictures when I wanted to.  The sky was a perfect blue and the river was frozen to the point of beauty.  The Calgary Tower was magnificent against the blank sky.  The setting was just so perfect that I am praying that the pictures worked.  I'll have to wait until either Tuesday or Friday to find out.  Stupid Shoppers Drug Mart.  I then went home and worked on my homework.  That's two Fridays in a row!  

I worked all day Saturday, and it was pretty boring.  Sometimes I hate working at Golf Town because it's just not interesting anymore.  It's really easy work, and I'm terrible at holding conversations with my coworkers, even though they're all really friendly and nice.  I had to sell raffle tickets for band, and I wanted to sell them to customers but I got way too shy.  I hate asking people to buy things when I don't know them.  Instead, I asked all my coworkers and most of them agreed to buy one.  I sold all eight!  I was so happy.  I work with the nicest guys.  They even tried to convince Shawn (my manager) to buy one, but he wouldn't.  Ah well.  It felt pretty good.  I went home to a house that smelled like burnt crackers because my brother had put crackers and cheese in the microwave for two minutes, causing the plate to explode and the crackers to set on fire.  We watched Get Smart, had some good laughs, and then I went to bed because I was extremely tired and because of daylight savings.

Today Mikki and I got together to take more pictures.  First we went to North Hill Mall to get some Canadian stuff for our host families, and then we went to Shopper's to drop off my film.  It took forever to rewind, until we thought it jammed because it wouldn't move past sixteen.  Finally I opened up the camera to find that it was already rewound in a tightly packed cylinder.  Weird.  Mikalina put in a new roll of film for me, and it worked a couple of times and then it wouldn't.  I brought it in to Black's and he said that the motor was run out.  Side note:  when I got home, I tried to take another picture and it worked.  So my dad thinks that the batteries were just dying.  Luckily I brought my digital camera, which proved that it was superior in the fact that I can rely on it.  Mikki's mom drove us to the top of the COP hill, and it was so cold and windy!  My eyes teared up so badly because of the wind, and so I couldn't even see what I was taking a picture of.  We stayed up there for a total of one minute and then booked it and took pictures at the bottom of the hill.  After that, we went downtown and Mikki and I took pictures outside of the car windows as her mom drove us to Stephen Avenue.  We bought more Canadiana stuff, took more pictures outside the window, and then we parted ways.

I wish that the weekend would never end!  I got my progress report card on Friday and surprisingly, my best subject is English.  Totally weird.  I'm only getting 85 and 83 in math and chemistry, which is pretty disappointing.  It's because of that one stupid unit test!  And the fact that we have so many quizzes in math.  Everyone keeps telling me that things will get better.  Hopefully it does.  I'm praying that it does.

Nearly two weeks until I get on a plane and escape from this country!

listening to:  rise up in the dirt - voxtrot

what the what?

Today did not feel like a good day.  It wasn't a terribly bad day, but right now I have a headache, I just finished my chemistry homework and I am really tired.  And it just feels like a lot of things sucked.

Band was boring today, which was disappointing because we played Do Not Go Gentle the entire time.  I guess it's nice to listen to the whole band play, but it's not when you listen to the same part ten times and you don't get to play for forty five minutes.  And you count every single bar to make sure you don't get lost only to get stopped two bars before you come in.  And when Mr. Willms is glaring down all of the percussionists because they are still idiots who don't know how to be quiet or not chew gum.  Honestly.  Anyways, it wasn't very fun.

I walked into English, almost late, only to realize that we were having a vocabulary test that I totally forgot about.  It was really lucky that I (really lightly) reviewed the vocabulary words, and that they were matching, or else I would have been so screwed.  We started Othello today and I'm going to have to get started on my ABC's, which is going to be a killer project that I realized I would probably have to finish earlier than I thought because I won't have spring break to do it, pretty much.  And there's like a bajillion other things to do in English during then.  And I just realized that I have to do a written piece in class tomorrow, and I have seminar.  

Math was okay, because it's never too confusing once you realize what Kotow is talking about.  But during then, I was talking to Susan and Sarah about how I'm not really taking chem AP for any reason at all, and they almost persuaded me to drop it.  If I dropped chem AP, I could use my spare to study calculus AP, which would be more useful for university since I'm taking math-based courses and no chemistry courses at all.  Plus, chemistry AP is stressing me out so badly, and I don't know why I don't understand any of the concepts.  It's like if I'm staring at everything, I see the formula but it just doesn't connect.  Which is weird, because last semester everything made so much sense to me.  I don't know what happened that made me lose so much confidence in myself, and in the fact that I am (or was) good at chemistry.  I finally struggled through my chemistry homework, and I still have to go to tutorials tomorrow to ask for help still.  I told my friends in my chem AP class that I was considering dropping it, and they all tried to persuade me not to.  And Schrottner called me the "ray of sunshine" in our class, and told me to just hang on and keep fighting through.  And I want to fight through; I really hate giving up.  But it's just so hard and it feels like I'm barely staying afloat right now.  Maybe I just need to fix my study habits and discipline myself.  

I started driving lessons today.  It's just the in-class lessons though, so they are pretty boring.  I think my instructor is from India, and sometimes you can't even understand what he's saying.  He also has long chest hair.  And he makes us all read aloud from the powerpoint or the book, and I already made a fool of myself twice.  I made a friend, though.  The girl who was sitting beside me was very nice, and she goes to Bowness, and we had a conversation about band and travel and school.  Oh, and before I went, my mom deep-fried pork for dinner so I reeked of Chinese food.  I felt really bad for everyone sitting around me because even I was getting a headache.  Yikes.

so good when it ends, they'll never be friends

Who knew that one simple note could change so many things?  Today was an absolutely great day.  It was so unexpected the way things happened, but I'm so glad for the people I know and the things that did happen.  One small thing led to another, and now I can honestly say that at this moment I am happy.  Happy!

This morning, when tutorials were ending, Mikki told me that she had something for me, but we had to go outside to get it.  I thought she was going to start a snow fight with me, but instead she uncovered a small mound of snow.  Mikalina brought me a small carton of Dibs icecream.  I've never had someone do something nice for me as a surprise like that, and wow.  It just made me feel so grateful that she is my friend, and I am so glad I made the choice to tell her about what was going on with my life right now.  Help was something so hard to ask for, but it was something I needed.

Both of us were late for chemistry.  I forgot that our class switched rooms with another, so at first I almost walked into a classroom full of people I did not know.  Tori and Nancy "assigned" me a seat by writing Seto on the piece of tape on the desk between them.  The classroom we were in was funny and strange, with its obsessive pattern of three and bright lights.  I shared the dibs with my friends, and Tori and I had some pretty ridiculous moments.  It was probably because we were all sitting beside each other.  

When I was telling Cailey about my morning, she told me that she hadn't seen me this happy in about a month.  We joked and talked and made plans for the weekend.  I couldn't stop laughing and smiling.  During band after school, I walked into the band room to see Jordan and Bronwyn toilet-papering Natalie.  So of course I joined in.  My stomach hurt from laughing so hard.  I always enjoy band, and playing the timpani and wind chimes.  I liked today.

I hope this feeling lasts.

you're the reason i'm not sorry

I have to be honest.  I wasn't expecting this year's band camp to be as good as last year, simply because of the lack of my friends going.  Tamara, Cailey, Leslie, Jocelyne .. almost everyone but Mikki from our cabin last year dropped out of band.  Mikki and I were going to room with Natalie, Amanda, Bronwyn, and Sheila, which was going to be great, but we also had to room with Haley, Chelsea, and Rebecca, who I am not quite as fond of.  There were way too many grade tens going, too.  

Band camp was so awesome, though.  I'm really glad that my last year of it was this good.  The bus ride to the camp was the beginning of our ridiculous antics, when we were on the dirt road and all of the dust came into the bus and into our faces.  From there, we found out that our cabin was divided, so us six didn't have to really be in the same room as the other girls.  The scenery at the camp was absolutely breathtaking.  You could see the mountains and acres of fields and trees.  They had a wooden playground that Amanda wouldn't call a playground, with the sketchiest tunnel that nobody could go through comfortably and creaky planks that seriously sounded like they were going to crack.  We played a game with the majority of the grade twelves and a couple a grade elevens that required everyone to do some ridiculous dance moves, and it was a pretty bonding experience.  After dinner there was a dance party.  The gym was way too hot, but it was pretty fun to dance around with everyone.  Especially when you don't really know how to dance.  The sky out there was so clean of pollution that when you looked up, you could just see layers and layers of stars going on forever.  

Our cabin after lights were out was ridiculous.  It's been a while since I laughed that hard.  We talked about people and about random things, until Natalie got too tired and couldn't put words together anymore.  We laughed so hard, and there were so many injuries from the beds, and a lot of moth and spider killing.  Someone was always threatening to kill someone else.  

In the morning, the showers were pretty brutal, and then we had to endure a rehearsal that felt like forever because I barely got to play.  We had a pretty awesome clinic though, I really liked our clinician because he was helpful and funny all the time.  At lunch there was the most disgusting apple juice that was super watered down and terrible to drink.  After another rehearsal, we played volleyball, and people kept joining in and it was really fun playing with everyone and cheering everybody else on.  After we got tired of playing volleyball, Bronwyn, Natalie, Ramon and I went down the hill to just chill out and talk, and there was a "couple" at the bottom of it cuddling.  Except we think that they were two girls, and we have no idea who they were.  We headed back up the hill, and I hung out with Andrea while we watched everyone continue to play volleyball.  

After dinner we had the scavenger hunt, and so Ramon and I got to experience all of the groups try to do one-liner improv acting.  Some groups were so brutal.  One girl was so awkward that the entire time I just wanted to kick them out.  Mikki's group won, which I was glad for and they got the most points at our station.  When we got back, we found out that Nick, Keith, and four other girls got sent home for smoking and doing drugs during activity time, and got suspended at school.  Which really sucks, because it means that they're probably not going to be able to go on the band trip.  They're pretty stupid for doing that though, so I guess they deserve it, but I really wish they hadn't.

It turned out that a guy smashed the light bulb in our cabin while at Natalie and Amanda's station, because Amanda told them that if they killed the moth they would get bonus points.  The chaperones had to sweep up our cabin and go through our stuff, so for a little while our cabin didn't smell like stinky feet.  During the night, Amanda and Bronwyn kept threatening each other and it actually hurt to breathe, that's how much I was laughing.  In the morning, we had one more rehearsal, and then we took a whole bunch of awesome jumping pictures that turned out really well.  We played on the playground one last time, and then it rained really hard.  Since all of Sam's friends got sent home, he hung out with us.  At lunch we had tacos and he just shoveled it all into his mouth with his hands.  It was pretty disgusting.  Especially when the food fell out of his mouth whenever he talked, and he'd just eat it again.  The bus ride home felt shorter than the ride going to the camp, and then we were at school.

It was a really memorable camp, and it felt so amazing to bond with my friends like that.  Especially looking back from grade ten, when I didn't really hang out with them at all.  I can't wait for our band trip, when we get to spend like two weeks together.  It's going to be SO AWESOME!

listening to:  ultimatum - final fantasy

i'm terrified of losing you

My math test was alright. Playing Boggle in biology was really fun. I'm jealous of Chelsea's camera, it is actually so beautiful. Gavin and I walked to the bank and there were M&M cookies. Ms. Manoj didn't show up for the first ten minutes of class so we all left. Aidan, Kim, and I went to the library. We played Boggle with Anna, Cassandra, Cydney, Katie, and Kaitlyn. Bronwyn and I went to go pick up the cake during band, and it was more amazing than I expected. We took so many pictures, and the cake tasted great, and it was fun hanging out. I took the train home with Gavin, and when we had to say goodbye we had the longest hug.

I never want to let you go.

listening to: heart it races - architecture in helsinki

i went to ninja school to learn how to murder you

I'm exhausted and my head hurts, but right now I have time to blog so I guess that's what I'm going to do. Somebody checked this in France! When I clicked on the URL, it was all translated in French and that was kind of exciting. But anyways.

Technically it is Sunday, but I'm going to pretend that it is actually Saturday. So yesterday (Friday) after school I went to the band party, which really wasn't that exciting because not many people came, and well there wasn't much to do. I got to hang out with Brittany though! That was really funny, we stood by the fire and had conversations that would have to stop because we were laughing too hard. People kept walking by at the wrong moments, like when we were talking about being pregnant to food or whatnot. We took jumping pictures off of a picnic table, and Brittany kept freaking out about how high it was, which made me laugh even more. After a while, Gavin showed up (Brittany: "ooooh, your lover is here! I'm sorry I said that!") and most of the people there decided to play baseball. We went over to talk to Mikki and Megan, and then Gavin got picked on a team and I walked away. Baseball really isn't that fun when you play with a bunch of band people, you know with the non-hitting and stuff. Kate, Brittany and I spent the time talking, and then we decided to go to a playground only to find that some kids were already there. So we headed back to our playground, and played on the teeter totter and went on the swings. Gavin came back from playing baseball, and we tried to climb a tree. Well, we did climb the tree actually. My clothes got really dirty. We hung out with Kate and Brittany some more before finally heading off to go to the movies.

Prince Caspian was really good. Umm I love being with Gavin, I just have to say that. This paragraph is going to be really cheesy and boring. I love holding his hand, and leaning on his shoulder, even when it means that I have to watch the movie sideways. I love when he puts his hand on my leg, because that's where I'm actually really sensitive so my leg had mini spasms the entire time, and I loved that feeling. I don't know why. I love being able to feel his phone vibrate because my hand is on his leg. I love when we lean again each other's heads, and when he whispers funny comments about the movie in my ear.

After the movie ended we headed over to Megan's for movie night. When we got there, we found everyone sitting in the dark. Apparently they sat like that after the first movie ended to wait for us. We watched Indiana Jones. I got to stay until midnight, so I got to watch half of the movie. When we left, everyone all of a sudden had to leave. Gavin drove Adrian and I home. When we got to my house, we hugged in my driveway for a little while, and I gave him a kiss on the cheek and just really, it was a great night.

I woke up at 7:00 this morning, thinking it was a lot later than it actually was and freaking out. My dad and I left at 7:30 and drove all the way up to Golden. I slept a lot on the way, I kept waking up and then falling back to sleep. Today's round was really wonky; I scored 106 but I definitely could have done better, I was doing alright on the front nine and I just totally messed up on the back. There were only four girls, so I won low gross! I've never won low gross before. I used the gift certificate to buy my sister a coat. I also won the skills competition in the girl's division, so I won a sleeve of balls, and nobody got long drive or closest to the pin, so I won a hat by calling Heads. The wait between ending our game and the awards ceremony was a million years, and it was hard to decide which coat to get my sister, so we didn't leave Golden until after 8:00. We stopped at a McDonald's to get a bite to eat, and it seemed like 14-year old boys worked there. After we placed our order they forgot to actually do anything, so we had to wait fifteen minutes to get our food. The people who worked there seemed kind of obnoxious. We finally left Golden at 8:30, and after a while I kept drifting in and out of sleep. I managed to stay awake until 10:25, when I finally crashed and when I rested my eyes I just ended up sleeping. I woke up right when we got into Calgary, and I had to call my younger sister in order to pick her up. We finally got home at midnight.

Well, I'm kind of tired, and I have another tournament to play tomorrow. I'm going to see Islands tomorrow!

i'm a love letter away

This has been such a slow week. I hate tests. I hate chemistry. Band was alright because we spent most of the time writing in each other's yearbooks while listening to other people do their playing tests. But other than school, I'm happy with life and a whole lot of other things.

the best you ever had was just a memory

Exclamation marks! I'm blogging a lot these days. Gavin and I drove to Safeway during lunch because I was originally going to buy a cake for band, but that's not going to be until next Tuesday. So instead, he bought a pizza bun and croissants for both of us. As we were walking back to the school, we came to the topic of us being official, which we aren't because we haven't gone on an actual date. So, he asked me what a proper date was, and suddenly he swung our arms and exclaimed, "hey Allison! Do you want to go on a date with me on Friday?" We're going to see Prince Caspian on Friday.

Anyways. It turns out that yearbooks are out! I didn't order one, so I'm just going to make my OWN yearbook. I'm going to have to make a cover and everything. Then people won't forget to write me notes again!

During chemistry I went through Kim's yearbook, and when we actually had to do work I totally blanked out. We got it done in time to play three round of Boggle, though. I figured out why I did so badly on the quiz .. M = molarity, not moles! In band, we really didn't do anything. I told everybody about cake money. It turns out that there are not 45 people in my band class, so I will be paying for some of it myself. Oh well.

After school, Gavin drove me to my orthodontist appointment, and it took them 12 minutes to change the wire and then we headed to Kensington to get Megan's present. After we got the order done, we decided to walk around while we waited. Right when we were talking about avoiding Megan, we looked up at the window of Higher Ground and saw her waving at us. Which was ridiculously weird. We were going to go get crepes, but we didn't exactly know where it was so we ended up having to cross the street and walk back, and at that time we saw Abbey and Megan, and we must've looked like dorks because we were just on the other side of the road, walking the opposite direction. And the crepes place was closed. We headed to Riley Park and just sat on the bench and talked for a while before finally having to walk back to The Rocket to pick up the shirt. I warmed up his hands. He cooled down mine.

listening to: colorado - grizzly bear

i can say the right things

I'm sorry for being so overly cheesy, but today I just felt SO incredibly happy! I just wanted to shout out and laugh, but of course I didn't. Honestly, I've never felt like this EVER! I am excited about all of this. It's weird to tell people, though. I mean, I always want to tell people, because I am just so happy that it's worked out like this, but it's just .. I don't know. I don't want to just blurt it out to everyone, I don't really understand the reasons why. However, it was really funny when I told Mikki, because Cailey came at that time, and when I finally said it, Cailey shrieked out and gave me a hug, and she was just so incredibly happy which made me smile.

But anyways. I feel like making a list.

1. There is a girl I met a couple months ago, a friend of mine introduced me to her when we bumped into her on the train. Ever since then, I see her everywhere, all the time! In the halls, in the cafeteria, at graduating ceremonies, it's nuts. Today I saw her when I walked over to the university to see if I could get some poster paper (I couldn't). We both walked into Mac Hall. And then I saw her again when I was walking out! Holy man. It's weird how it happens like this.

2. I have this really weird habit whenever I'm not thinking of any specific where I start counting from a random number. (28, 29, 30) .. and I'll count until I suddenly realize what I'm doing, and I forget what number I was at. Who does that? Or why do I do that? I used to do it when I was younger, when I'd count street lights starting at whatever number I wanted. Now I do it mostly when I'm listening to music, I'll count the beats from a number like 1022, or when I'm walking and I count my steps. Sometimes it really bothers me; I hate counting.

3. We're going to have a party in band tomorrow! I'm buying cake. I have to remember to buy cake. Mr. Paddock doesn't know we're having a party tomorrow.

4. WE NEED TO HANG OUT! Like, all three of us. asap. I miss you guys and we haven't done anything in a while! There are just so many things to say that can't be expressed on a computer screen.

5. I like starting or ending things on 5s and 10s. It's weird for me when it's in between.

listening to: sing me spanish techno - the new pornographers

i can't pretend that i can't see the end

The weather was beautiful yesterday. Too bad we had to spend the morning indoors, in a gym. I forgot all of my music, and the tambourine somehow did not make it, which I was not pleased about because in some songs, that's the only thing I had to play. But anyways. It was alright, except for the fact that in some songs I had to air tambourine, and I probably looked like a foo-el. And I had to guess a lot on the notes I was supposed to play because I could not remember what I was supposed to play. It was funny, though, because I thought we had to play a certain song again, so I asked Mr. Paddock if I could see the conductor's score for it, and everyone in the front row looks at me funny while Mr. Paddock says, "we're done playing that forever!" Embarrassing.

After that we got to wait around, Gavin and I slid down slippery banisters, and people played rock paper scissors. We went on to sing one song, filed off, and I felt bad for Gavin because he had to wait a long time for us to finally finish. Oh, and let me say now that Ms. Levy's speech did not make much sense at all. And it was really long. Not great at all. Kees, however, had a sweet speech and Cailey, Suzanne, and I agreed it was good. We all put bets on how long we'd have to play Pomp and Circumstance. I had 7:08, most people had from seven to ten minutes. At the last minute, Haley (even though I didn't ask her) said five minutes. We ended up playing for 4:23 (yes, it was timed). Diana, Gavin and I headed to the train after. Diana took the train to Dalhousie and we headed downtown.

We missed the stop right by the bank, so we had to walk a ways back. On the way we passed a bunch of people working for Lipton packing away a inflatable something, and a busker with a cool guitar. It took a while at the bank because my account is messed up. But, I did get a new debit card and it feels good to have money again. We went for a search for food, which wasn't very effective because we talked the whole time and forgot to actually look. We went into the Glenbow because there was a cafe there, but it was expensive so we ended up going to the A&W across from it. There was no Mountain Dew. Anyways, it turned out that we walked past the Calgary Tower without even noticing, so we kept going the wrong way until we were on Macleod Trail. We walked to park and when we looked up, we could see the Calgary Tower a couple blocks from where we had lunch. So we walked back, and went up. It was a good day to go up; it was really sunny and I must admit that the city looks pretty cool from up there. Except for the construction sites right beside the tower.

After we spent a good amount of time up there, we decided to head back down and go to the park where we were before. We sat down by the pool, and it was so nice and warm that we both just laid on the grass. It was really comfy. When it was three, he had to head off so we both got up. Well, he kept poking me to get up, and when I finally did, he made me pull him up. He kept pretending to push me into the water. At one point, I was fighting against it and he just .. held me in his arms for a couple seconds before letting go.

When we got off the train, and had to head off to our buses, I remembered that it was International Hug A Musician day, so we hugged, except it was a bit longer than a usual hug. After I was on my bus, he sent me a text saying how he was glad I didn't make fun of him like the last time I did, and it made us both realize that we've only ever hugged twice, and he told me that he hoped it would happen more often. And he told me that he wanted to talk to me, about something specific I think, because when I talked to him again on MSN later, when I said goodbye, he said he still wanted to talk to me.

Since Tuesday night, my body's been having panic attacks that I haven't felt since that day in January, and it's making me nervous. I have no idea what he's going to say to me, I'm trying not to overanalyze everything but it's really hard right now. It's hard to not look ahead. I hope that what he says is what I want to hear, because after yesterday ... it's just so easy to talk and want physical contact. This suspense is killing me.

listening to: the past is a grotesque animal - of montreal

i've tried telegraphs and birds that fly

My weekend was decent. I like hanging with Cailey, a lot. We did a lot of stuff. I stayed way longer than I expected, it wasn't until 10 when my dad picked me up. I didn't get to go hiking yesterday, but I stayed at home and finally started on the poster for Sled Island. And I'm pretty happy about it! The only thing my sister can say about it is that she likes boats. But anyways. I just have to colour it, and then I think I'll get actual poster paper and put it up in the band room, because it's the easiest place to put it. I kind of want to put it up somewhere else awesome, like at CJSW where people actually are interested in that stuff. But anyways. After dinner I went golfing with my dad, and it was comfortable. It was beautiful outside. On the last hole I chipped in a birdie, it was absolutely amazing. It felt good. I felt good yesterday. I feel good today, all the time, I felt good after we talked, and when you said goodbye (not because you were saying goodbye, but because you said goodbye).

Today in band, I got to play a lot of triangle. Chemistry was really annoying, my teacher is really annoying. We're doing labs tomorrow and I hate writing them up. I don't know if I have to finish my essay outline by tomorrow, but whatever. Taking the train with Kevin and Gavin was fun. Things are SURPRISING! I'm really in the dark! Right now I'm making CDs for people, because that's what I like doing best.

listening to: m79 - vampire weekend

it must be, it must be awfully nice living in paradise on earth

You know what's nice? Being stuck with amazing people for an entire evening. That was what it was like on Wednesday. Jessica was missing America's Next Top Model, so we spent the entire evening taking model pictures. I love Brittany, and how extremely funny she can be. After Brittany went to go talk to some other people about something, I finally found Cole and Gavin, and Cailey, Mikki, Megan, and Cole and Gavin dumped Megan into a garbage pit. We took model pictures outside, and they came out really nice because it was quite perfect day outside, and the sun was brilliant and it was very comfortable being there. "Mikki, you're not supposed to smile when we do Blood!" "Unless it's like Blood .. It's in you to give!" I had to head back in to get ready for wind ensemble, and ran into Brittany, and we went to go look for Jessica. We found Jessica and others practicing for choir, but regardless we managed to get Jessica to take more model pictures (it wasn't that hard, actually) on the stairs. Then we decided to take pictures by the elevator, which led to jumping pictures, which are exceptionally sweet. Then Jessica left for some reason, and then Morgan decided that she wanted to take some jumping pictures. After we asked Steve to take some of us three, but he never got the timing right so instead we got a lot of pictures of us preparing to jump. It was so funny I almost peed my pants, seriously. After that, I had to go warm up for wind ensemble, and I got to listen to them fail at memorizing their songs, and I left to go hang out with Brittany some more. Our performances weren't bad. The lights were really bright! We got to ride the riser down from choir, and somebody fell so we all laughed, even though we were supposed to be very quiet.

Our first song in choir after intermission was incredibly brutal. We definitely butchered that one, everyone forgot their parts and we ended up singing the guys part, and we faltered and it was just bad. Luckily we had Hairspray after, except I definitely made myself look like a tool because the keyboard wasn't plugged in and everybody had to wait for it, man. The symphonic band sounded pretty tight. I didn't really mess up my part in Blue Shades! And apparently I'm hilarious to watch, because I have to run around in the back of the stage, and I probably look like such a dork because I'm wearing high heels, so I have to pretty much prance around so I don't make too much sound. "Goodbye Earl" was really fun, Casey sang really loudly beside me. After the concert was over, I hung out with Brittany some more in the change room, and took a really awesome picture of Rebecca being a ninja cat, which is always awesome. I didn't get home until midnight that night because we had to go back to the school and unload all of the percussion stuff, which is never awesome. What are we going to do next year without Erik?

On Thursday Ms. Fehres didn't show up at class, so, being the AP students we are, we stayed in the classroom for half an hour doing nothing even though the sub we were supposed to have did not show up at all. And then we decided to make up our own schedule for bio, which was quite funny. The lab tech kept coming in, and when she saw the schedule, she laughed. It was a lot nicer than what Ms. Fehres had planned for us. But anyways. Later, Mr. Doak came in and decided that he would give us work to do, but at that moment the lab tech came back in and told us that we could all go, which was extremely sweet because it meant a week without bio, and no bio homework. Kaitlyn, Kim and I went to Starbucks in Kaitlyn's Hummer, and I finished my math homework there. We then headed back, and found Bonnie, Tim, and both Alyssas in the field. Math was decent, although Cassandra wasn't there because she's sick. In chemistry, we had a super boring class. Katie, Aidan, Kim, and I had a bet on how many people would not show up, and Kim won with seven. Only because in the middle of class, Mason, who sits in the front row, walked right out of the class with all of his stuff while Ms. Manoj was writing something on the bored. And she didn't even notice. That was definitely a class bonding moment, because everybody laughed and looked at each other, like God this teacher is super dumb! Yeah, that kind of bonding moment. In English we had a massive discussion, and I would've rather have band that day. Actually, I'd want band any day.

Today I went golfing, like actually golfing for the first time. Well, I only played two holes. But I was really happy about it, I'm hitting the ball a lot better, and this season is going to be a good season! I can't wait for Sunday! I am so in love with The Neighbourhood Council! What a talented bunch.

you missed my eye, i wonder why i didn't complain

I am happy! Mainly because AP is over. Also because I'm just at a point where everything is coming together, I am at equilibrium with my friends and family, and June is coming soon, and just everything in general is really great!

Today in chemistry there was a sub, so half of my class didn't even show up at the beginning of class. And then, while he was talking on the phone in the first fifteen minutes, probably five people left. Kim and I worked, and as we did, people just got up and started leaving. By the time there was only thirty minutes left in class, only five of us were still in the class. We played Boggle.

Elliot made my day today, it's just so sweet how he can be so amazed by the way I do percussion. Like, how I can play tambourine while at the same time reading The Advocate. Note: When you only have two parts, it's easy.

listening to: european oils - destroyer

you will. you? will. you? will. you? will. you?

I will. Tomorrow. I hope. I'm just so scared.

I get made fun a lot in band class. Not really by anyone, but by Mr. Paddock, and sometimes it's just so flustering. I never know if he actually really dislikes me or if he does like me and teases me just because. Although, when I asked, "why??" he replied, "because you're a percussionist." Well. So I decide I want to hang out in the front with Aidan and Tamara, and he tells me that I need to have an instrument in order to be up there. So, Aidan gives me part of his oboe, and Mr. Paddock told me to play a note, and I just hummed one. He then told me that I had to play a instrument well, so I got shunned from the front row. Anyways, today I brought up the triangle, and then he said that I had to be able to play a scale on the triangle. And right before the entire band is supposed to play a scale, he tells me that I have to play a scale on the triangle - alone. So I just sang out the notes, and it turned out that I was in the entirely wrong key. So then we play through the scale, and he tells me to play it again, except with feeling. And so Henry gives me the note without anyone asking him to, and I sing it - with feeling - and humiliate the bejeezus out of myself. But anyways. The making fun of me thing went on for the entire warm up, when he'd make me play something on the triangle and then burn me about it. Then, when we're going through a song, and I'm playing the tambourine, after we finish he asks everyone to come up a word to describe my playing, and some people say stuff like "energetic" and "awesome" and some pretty good words, and I was totally expecting him to shut me down again. But then he told me that it was energetic and that the rest of the band should play like that! Mr. Paddock confuses me a lot. But I like band because of these reasons.

Not many other things happened today. I don't know how I did on my bio test, I'm pretty sure I screwed myself over. I sold half a box of chocolate almonds. During chemistry, Aidan and I drew muscle men from our litres, and had a competition on our quiz - whoever was slowest won. I won. After school I watched The Throwaways play and they were definitely really good! The screamo band after was .. different. My dad bought our Feist tickets today, but they currently aren't what we wanted, so we're trying to sell them and get better tickets via NOT TICKETMASTER. But I'm going to see Feist!

listening to: start a war - the national

at least the war is over

Today qualifies as a very good day.  This morning, Aidan, Lindsay, and I sealed the deal to add "plex" after all of our nouns again.  If you forgot to add it, you lost and you'd have to pay the last one standing five dollars.  Well, of course, Lindsay lost right away and then Aidan lost because we didn't really know which pronouns were pronouns, so we had to restart.  But then in English Aidan lost, and then at lunch Lindsay lost, so I won.  Aidan gave me a McDonald's buck, and Lindsay is going to give me Canadian Tire money.  Not ten bucks, but it was fun.

I like math class.  During bio, we did an activity that counted as fun because it didn't require notes.  Transcribing DNA is easy.  Band was pretty fun.  I gave Elliot a couple pins because he is a cool guy, and his reaction was sweet.  Standing beside Mac and Elliot when we play the Pineapple Poll song, they are quite the duo.  They make counting easy.  Blue Shades is just a good song to play.

After band was over, I found out that my old friends were playing badminton in the gym, and it was nice seeing them again.  I'm seeing them again tomorrow after choir.  Since I didn't have my own ride, I got a ride with Aidan to the train station, and that alone was really good.  I owned an iPod touch for a minute before giving it up to my sister, but that's okay.  I'll get mine soon.  For now I get my sister's 30 gb.  And the sweetest thing:  I got the golf camp letter today.  May 12th and 13th, baby.

god that was strange to see you again

Guys With Ties should be named Guys With Skill. Well, I guess that's a given. Gavin and I went down to the Beat Niq last night to go watch them play, and wow. The amount of talent on that stage blew me away. Their original compositions were awesome, and watching each of them play individually and together was cool. Ryley, you gave me my money's worth.

Not a lot happened today. We signed up for our courses for next year, and it made me feel a bit uneasy. What if I regret all of the courses I chose? I guess I can get things changed around. My math test the next period felt weird, some numerical I had no idea how to do, and it made me run out of time and so I had to rush through my last two questions. Not great at all.

During lunch, I ate in the band room with Aidan, Henry, Andrea, and some other people I don't like as much but I ignore them, so it's all okay. I was eating my spaghetti in a weird way, where I'd tip my head sideways and eat the noodles from the side, so I wouldn't get sauce all over my face, and apparently it looked very amusing so Aidan and Henry watched me eat and laughed every time. The past two lunches have been pretty funny. Yesterday we played with a broken stand, and we thought of a bunch of other uses it could have; pork rack, torture device, umbrella, tent, artificial leg, limbo stick, limbo stick of doom .. ha it made me laugh.

During band, we didn't have to play and instead we listened to our performance recording. The adjudicator made many strange comments, and said "bravo" a lot. During the non-comment performance, we sang along and sounded very bad. But anyways. Tamara and I engaged in another fight, except I tickled her a lot. After we calmed down, Sam pinned her down and I tickled her again to the point where she screamed brutally loud and made everyone stop and look at us. Then, she stated that it was good that we didn't know her secret ticklish spot, and at that Sam and Ramon went looking for it. Ramon found it: her neck. She went into such spasms, and Sam kept pretending to go for her neck so she went really paranoid, and ran away from us whenever we lifted our arm. It was ridiculous. My stomach hurt from laughing.

I think my English visual project may be done. Hopefully Mr. McMillan approves of it, or I will be very sad. One, because I worked pretty hard on my drawing, and two, if he shuts it down, I will have absolutely no idea how to symbolize a conflict or theme from Huckleberry Finn.

Speaking of which, I have a reading quiz tomorrow. I guess I should read some Sparknotes.

listening to: ageless beauty - stars

i'm really sorry but my eyes got really heavy, and the last thing i remember is your smile

This blog sure has been lacking. It's not like I'm too busy, it's just that .. other things come up. But that's okay. Things have been pretty hectic. This weekend I had a panic attack because I had so little homework done and so little time. But, nonetheless, it was a good weekend, and I did manage to get my homework done.

Last Friday I went to the zoo with the bio class, and it was so much fun. I met up with Kim, Kaitlyn, Chelsea, Justine, and Bonnie at Dalhousie to catch the 8:18 train, and then we met up with Rachel and Catrin at Brentwood. Catrin was actually supposed to meet us at Dalhousie too, but she took the train right before ours. Nancy was at the Banff Trail station, but she was at the opposite side because she misinterpreted our "front of the train" direction. Rachel saw her at the other side, so she and I bolted for the cart, and I caught it right when the door was closing. It was exciting. We had to run all the way back at the next stop. At Centre Street, we saw Joash and so we all went along our way to the zoo.

The primates stuff was kind of interesting. We watched the gorillas eat pinatas, which was a bit anti-climatic, and after we got to observe the other primates. They are pretty cool! We took so many pictures. At lunch we bought a lot of fries, and I got icecream. When we were done the class part, a bunch of us went around the zoo on our own. We saw the giraffes, the baby elephant, the sting rays, the hippos, the red pandas, the tigers, the nocturnal animals, the kangaroo, the camels, birds, reptiles .. a lot alot of animals. It was a lot of fun. We took the train back down to the NW and it was an all-around good time.

Later I went to Gavin's house and we had band practice. We worked on a song I started writing and we got it all developed and recorded, and the guys all said it was one of our best songs, even though it was "sappy rock". I just like to call it awesome. Right now I'm in the progress of writing lyrics for it, which is actually taking a while because my ability to write has been very limited lately. So far, the inspiration comes to me late at night, when I'm exhausted and just wanting to go to sleep. I'll have to read what I've written sometime soon .. I hope it's all legible. But anyways.

On Saturday I worked, and my closest friend at work quit that day. He got another job at the airport, fueling airplanes, which is a wicked job but I'm still sad that he's leaving. He made working really fun. Not like it's not enjoyable when he's not there, but still. I always thought that he'd always be there. Next Saturday is his last day. After work, I went to Megan's house and we had Indian food and watched Star Wars. It took us such a long time to get through Episode I because twice the DVD player went really funky, and the other two times Cailey accidentally leaned on the plug and shut everything down. We talked through the whole thing, and took weird pictures of the screen and everything, it was really fun. And then we paused through the movie and played foozeball. When Gavin got there, we watched Episode IV, which was interesting but wasn't as great as I thought it was going to be. But by that time, it was really late and I was exhausted.

We went to church for the first time in a long time on Sunday. After that was our band festival, and we got a gold freaking award because we are that awesome. I thought it sounded pretty good. The clinic was very long, though.

But anyways. Yesterday wasn't too exciting, except that I studied way too hard for my bio test today, and didn't process any of the information and I probably did very badly on the test. Since the grade tens had their band festival performance today, we got to have a spare instead of band. But I decided to stay with Tamara, who couldn't go home because her feet hurt too much to walk. We went to the library and tried to do homework, but failed at that. We found out who the mysterious caller was (Hannah). We went back to the band room and discovered that Ryley and Henry turned all the chairs and stands upside down, which was so, so awesome. Henry just was so awesome today. Ryley promised me that I would get my money's worth tomorrow, which was cool. But anyways. I'm done my homework, I might get a frappacino tomorrow, and my parents are arguing about real estate.

listening to: ending start - metric

we don't need to say goodbye tonight

Tamara made my day today. I was being mean, like I am sometimes without even thinking about it, and play fighting with her, which led to her exclaiming that her bag was extremely heavy, so I thought it would be funny if she couldn't get up. She lay down, and I made her flail her arms and legs and then I pulled down on her backpack whenever she tried to get up, and she'd made this funny yelping stomach that made my stomach hurt, I was laughing so hard. Then she finally realized that she could take off her backpack, and I grabbed it and tried to run with it, because she was chasing me. Although her backpack weighed a ton and it was really hard to out run someone while wearing two backpacks and laughing extremely hard. Band was a pretty fun class. We counted bars and cued each other, and Rebecca always missed her cues. I got to play tambourine. I gave Pam a "energy pump" requested by Mr. Paddock, and he also complimented my crash cymbal playing, which was weird because all the other guys in percussion always tell me that my playing is "eh". And then he complimented me after when I told him I was going to the zoo, and he told me not to let them keep me there "as a zoo keeper" .. because I'm "so empathetic to people and animals." Although Tamara interpreted it as me being an animal. Which was how all that other stuff began.

I went to the orthodontist again today because they use the wrong molding stuff, and they gave us a coffee card and a Cineplex card because they were sorry, which was sweet. It took a long time today. Then my dad took me to KFC for lunch, and I guess the chicken was okay. And the fries. During chemistry we watched a movie and I fell asleep five minutes into it.

After choir I was waiting outside for my dad to come. I was looking down the street, and suddenly when I looked across the street I see Elliot, cramped in back of a two-door car, waving frantically at me. It was sweet.

listening to: poke out yr eye - kris ellestad

we must rip out all the epilogues from the books that we have read

I didn't tell you about the second part of the dream, when you grabbed my hand while we were walking down the street, and asked me if my parents knew that we were together. Band class was pretty fun today, Elliot was very funny. I like the second song we play, and the tambourine. Today is Chinese New Year's, and we have short classes. I can't wait to go toboganning.

listening to: i wish i was a dog - chad vangaalen

conversations about weather and the "perfect family"

Our band is pretty cool, I've got to say. We have enough songs for an EP now! All we need are lyrics. I should probably get on that sometime. I like drumming, and the songs we play are pretty good, even if they're not what I usually listen to. I also like the song that Gavin and I made. Hanging out with Gavin is really fun, I can't wait until tomorrow when he comes over to my house.

"remember: band comes before boyfriend
lol jk"