grow up and blow away

Today after I got home from school, I played Rock Band with my brother and then we looked up cheap watches on eBay for him to buy. While I was sitting on his chair, he stood beside me and leaned on my shoulder. I don't know why, but I've always loved it when he leaned on me. Like when we were in the car and he'd rest his head on my shoulder because he was tired. He is growing old! We're both growing and it's strange and weird.

to do

Start a taxi fund. Drink two litres of water whenever I want to go drinking. Look up "butthole of the earth". Rewatch my old videos from Montreal and camps.

Oh how I missed Brittany Rae! Today was fun. I also watched Hard Day's Night with my brother and older sister and it was hilarious. I don't want to go back to school!

listening to: willow tree - chad vangaalen

lucy in the sky with diamonds

I got my braces off on Wednesday, and then went to a party that night. Not going to lie, I felt pretty great .. the lack of braces + no glasses + wearing a dress and makeup really did wonders. It was a fun night! I talked to a lot of people I haven't seen in a while, and Riley and I spent a lot of time just sitting on the couch and talking about anything. What an easy conversation! I really miss that. On Christmas Eve, I just hung around the house a lot. After church, my siblings and I played Settlers of Catan before going to bed. My younger sister and I watched New Moon on my laptop at two in the morning, until I was way too tired to keep my eyes open. That movie was so boring I had to go to sleep halfway through it! Anyway. Christmas was as good as Christmas can get. My older sister got me a cardigan and a necklace, my parents and grandparents and aunt got me money, my brother got me mint chocolate, and my younger sister got me five non-judge cards and a disposable camera. We played a lot of Beatles Rock Band (that game rules!) and then headed off to my aunt's house for Christmas dinner with all of my cousins. During dinner my cousins kept refilling my glass of wine. After that, we played Taboo, guys versus girls and it was hilarious. My brother is pretty good at it! Then our moms made us take a family picture on the stairs, which was a gong show. We then all played Beatles Rock Band and it was crazy! It was so weird to hear all of your cousins belting out Come Together, and everything like that. But I loved it. I also love when all my cousins get together and do something as a unit, kind of like when we were little and all played basketball during the summer. What good times.

Yesterday I went out shopping on 17th Ave with my younger sister. We got some stuff from American Apparel, and then we went to Purr and everything was 50% off! We both got winter jackets. I helped her get eight dollars refunded when they accidentally overcharged for her jacket. We met up with my older sister after and shopped again at Purr, and then went to Farm for a quick dessert. I went to Amelia's house after dinner to hang out with Cailey, Mikki, Tess, and Amelia and to catch up. We played a Harry Potter trivia game and then just talked a lot. I found out some stuff about them I really didn't expect! When I got home, my sisters all hung out in my older sister's room and talked for like two hours. Which was really nice. I love my sisters and they are so hilarious and honest. This Christmas break rules.

just because

I deleted over two hundreds friends because hardly know most of them, or never communicate with them on Facebook, deleted countless of statuses because they now sounded stupid, deleted over forty videos and hundreds of photo albums because they are irrelevant and redundant and there are just too many

and because my sisters told me that it makes me seem obnoxious.

help, i'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer

I need to stop doing this.  It is 5:18 in the freaking morning and I'm still not asleep.  I've got to get back on track.  School's in two days and being up at 5:18 sucks.

I've been alone and allowed to listen to my own thoughts for a bit too long now.  Listening to myself is never a good thing because it seems like I'm only thinking on one track.  I'm trying harder and harder to convince myself that things are fine, and for the most part it works.  I'm just getting tired of having to fight this battle all the time.

I watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button with Kim on New Years' Eve, and it was pretty good.  I always enjoy time with Kim.  After that I stayed in with my family and watched a couple movies.  I'm glad I didn't go out, my family is great.

On New Years' my dad took my sister and I out to the junior tournament championship final in the Saddledome, and I had a good time.  I spent the most part taking pictures, but that's what I love to do.  We went to our aunt's house for the traditional New Years' dinner, and I had a good time again with my cousins.  We played a lot of cards and Rock Band.

Work is really slow again, but I don't really mind.  It's cold outside.  I found out that I already got accepted to the U of C.  My acceptance email came 24 seconds after they confirmed that my application got sent in.  I was kind of hoping that I wouldn't get accepted so I could try to get into UBC or McGill or something like that.  But U of C is the only one my mom will let me go to, so I guess I'm stuck here.  Maybe it won't be too bad.  

everybody broke me up

It's been an interesting week.  Christmas was absolutely great; I spent it with my relatives, and my cousins and I played pick up sticks and cards all evening.  I love hanging out with my cousins, especially when we all just have fun and play games like this.  It's like if we're kids all over again, at someone's 8th birthday party where we'd all sit around and just play Uno, or Big Two.  It's fun to bond with them.

I worked Boxing Day, and it was busy and not bad.  That night I went to Jade's apartment, and we stayed up all night watching I Am Legend, Tropic Thunder, Gossip Girl, and Arrested Development with Maggie and Jacqui.  It was ridiculous.  We ate so much junk food, and tried so hard to stay up all night but everyone fell asleep.  I pretty much passed out at 5:30.  We woke up at 9:00 the next morning, which was stupid but Jacqui had to go out for lunch that day so we just hung around and then ate breakfast.  

That night I stayed up with my sisters watching Gossip Girl.  We had made it until the middle of the second season until we finally decided to go to sleep.  We finished the rest of the season the next day.  We pretty much stayed in my room until dinner time watching Gossip Girl.  It was sad yet awesome at the same time.

Today I went to my cousin's house with my two cousins and my sister for lunch, which was really good.  I got to meet her dog, who scared me a bit because he is really energetic and apparently likes to hump people's legs.  A lot.  But he loved me and didn't violate me at all.  We watched Sex and the City before we had to go, which was pretty funny because my cousins didn't let me watch any of the sex scenes (since I was the youngest of us five).  After that, I went to Jessica's house to watch Superbad with her and Brittany.  I stayed at her house for dinner, until my dad had to come pick me up at the only time he could.  I spent the next two hours at a junior hockey team.  I had my camera with me, so I just snapped hundreds of pictures and it was actually really fun.

For a short period of time, I felt really alone and I really missed what I used to have.  I'm getting over that again.  I guess I've realized that I'm starting to forget what I felt, and that scares me.  I never thought I'd lose that feeling.  I guess it's alright; I mean, I should let go of these things in order to move on.  It's just that that feeling was so incredible, so amazing that I don't want to let it go. I guess I'm just going to have to be patient and wait for that feeling to come back.  Hopefully, the next time it will be more brilliant and last forever.

it's starting to look like it's going to be a bright beautiful day

It's been almost a week since I've posted on here, and honestly it feels kind of weird.  I always check to see how many visitors I had that day, and I always check my blog to see who updated their blog, but I never bother to write anything.  I'm not taking as many pictures either.  I'm just getting a bit tired of trying to relive my past.  It's so much easier to just sit back and live.  Don't take me wrong, I still absolutely love taking pictures, but I never feel like taking pictures of things that have been happening, like at parties or get togethers.  I just like preserving images.  Whenever I'm on the c-train, or anywhere outside, my mind likes to see everything like a photograph I should take.  I don't know.  I wish I lived a more interesting life, where my pictures could actually mean something.

This past week has been pretty eventful.  I'll try to condense it as much as possible.  I went out somewhere every day after school except for on Monday.  On Tuesday I stayed after school and scorekept girls' basketball.  Both our teams lost, but watching the junior team play was absolutely brutal.  It was like watching grade seven basketball all over again; nobody knew how to run plays, everyone just flung the ball at the hoop whenever they had the chance, and it was just overall terrible.  

On Wednesday we didn't have choir, so Mikki and I headed downtown to do some Christmas shopping.  We went to Nation, Looks Could Kill, Shisomiso, and Uppercase in Art Central.  We went around TD square looking for a store that sold icecream scoopers, but we had no luck.  I should have studied math a lot harder that night, but I didn't.  The next day at school I wrote my conics test and it sucked royally.  I've never done so bad on my math test, but at least I get to replace it.  

We found out that we didn't have band after school Thursday, so I went Christmas shopping to get more things.  I first went to Kensington and tried to look for some stuff, but I didn't get anything.  Plus it was really cold outside.  I went back to the train to head downtown.  A woman came and sat across from me.  She asked for a kleenex, and then a quarter.  When we reached downtown, she asked if I could hold the door for her while she paid for a transit fare, so I did and when we both went back to our seats, we started talking about a lot of things.  She is taking fine arts and humanities, or something like that.  We talked about our families, which were really contrasting with their views on education and stuff, which then led to so many things.  I wish that we could have talked more, but I had to get off the train.  I am so terrible with names, though, so I can't remember what hers was.  Plus, I was trying to get off the train before it left the platform.  My brain is so bad with concentrating.  I bought Mikalina's present and then headed back to the university to meet Kate and Brittany for Oklahoma!.

The walk to MacEwan Hall was terrible.  I was so cold, and it felt like forever.  I ate dinner in Mac Hall, and then met up with Kate and Brittany.  Okalahoma! was pretty interesting.  They all had western twangs so Brittany and I could hardly tell what anyone was saying.  And we only got the gist of the plot.  The singing and acting was really good, but the plot kind of sucked.  When I got home, I had to frantically finish my CALM homework and then wrap presents.  I ended up going to bed at three in the morning.  

Friday was awesome because we didn't have to do anything in class and periods were so much shorter.  After school was done, we headed to Megan's house.  We walked with Gavin up to the train station.  I ended up talking to Gavin the entire time we walked with him, and it was really nice.  I love talking to him.  I gave him a hug before he left, and today he told me he was glad that I did, because our very first hug was on the last day of school last year.  I was amazed that he remembered that, because I didn't even realize it until he mentioned it.  

Anyways, the walk to Megan's was a million times worse than the walk to the university.  Mainly because it was probably a half hour walk.  My legs stung, and then I couldn't really feel them anymore.  When we finally reached her house, the insides of my legs first went burning out, and then freezing cold.  It felt like if there was ice water flowing through my veins.  I couldn't stop shivering and I was so cold for so long.  I just can't take this temperature.  Gift exchange was really fun, I really like the stuff that I got.  While we were having lunch, Megan made a weird facial expression which set Cailey and Mikki off.  They couldn't stop laughing for five minutes straight.  After that, we all calmed down for a bit, but then suddenly they started laughing again, and Cailey's laugh is so funny when she's laughing hard that I started to laugh.  And everyone was laughing, and we couldn't stop.  My stomach was in so much pain, but whenever I heard Cailey laugh, I would laugh.  I was on the ground laughing, and it was so ridiculous.  We spent fifteen minutes laughing basically because somebody else was laughing.  I went to the kitchen and tried to pour a cup of milk, but even that was a hard task because I didn't want to spill the milk while I was laughing.  It was absolutely crazy.  I've never laughed so hard in my life.

After that, we all got pretty tired from laughing.  I went to work, and it was pretty dead.  When I got home, I showed my sister the game of Pickup Sticks that Cailey got me, so my sisters and I started playing that.  It was intense; our family's pretty much all about competition, and we always want to win.  After that, we played again with my brother.  Every time he messed one up, he'd hit the other ones and ruin the game for us.  Well, him ruining the game made me win the game.

Today I worked, and it wasn't too bad.  It was pretty busy for most of the day, which occupied my time.  After work I went to band practice at Gavin's, and we did some playing.  After the other guys left and I was waiting for my dad to come, we talked and it just felt so easy.  I'm so bad at making conversation sometimes, but nowadays with him I always have stuff to say.  It's great.  Right now life is great.

and when will a time come i could hear a sad love song, that doesn’t speak to me

There were so many times I was recollecting the past. It is way too easy to look back at everything, what with saved files and past messages. I've been trying to live my life as normal as possible lately. I went back and looked at our MSN conversations way back from last year, when we were just getting to know each other. We were such amazing friends, and honestly, I can't wait until we get back to that. Or at least I'm hoping that we do get back to that. Now that I think about it, though, it probably will never get back to that because people change and things happen (like what did), but we've got so many months ahead of us to click again. We're getting close now. I'm going to trust that we can still work in this way.

On another note, my weekend has been pretty nifty. Halloween was sweet! I went as an alligator that I made out of cardboard and took me a while to make. Kevin's costume was the sweetest thing ever. My classes were super slack because nobody really wants to work on Halloween. After that, Mikki, Megan, and I went to Safeway and shopped in our costumes. We then went to Goodwill, and then to Amelia's house for dinner and to watch Black Sheep. What a weird horror movie! On Saturday I worked at Golf Town for the first time in a month. I got to work with Kristi, which was funny because she wasn't even actually scheduled. I had a good time with her, we talked and caught up a lot and it was just so easy to be around her. Probably because she's only a year-ish older than me. And she's so friendly and talkative. Today is my sister's birthday, so we got her 30 Rock (which we are watching now) and went out for sushi, and had a sweet cake. I burned my fingers lighting the candles but they're alright now. I think tonight I should go to bed earlier because I'm always tired. Oh! Also, my disposable camera pictures came back, and they took really nice and now they're on my wall making it even more awesome.

i found my place in the wishing well

Guys!  My mom is leaving to go to China tomorrow!  I accomplished something that really should be something small but it means so much to me.  I'm taking great steps to get away from who I was, and as a result I'm becoming more of who I used to be.  And I am quite happy!  Boy has my life been such a roller coaster.  Sometimes I go back and read my previous entries, and I just sound really crazy.  Man.

I opted to stay home and watch disc one of 30 Rock instead of hanging out with people.  Maybe it was because Gavin invited me and I've been kind of resisting.  Sometimes it's just easier to hide away for a little while, you know?  But we're okay and it does feel easy to talk to him.  There's just a lot of times now when I don't really want to talk to him.  I think I just need space, because we have still been interconnected even through everything we've been through.  Is all of this healthy?  I have no idea, but I really don't mind.

Anyways, some anecdotes.  Today in chemistry, Mr. Schrottner was gone so Mr. Brownlee, our student teacher, was in charge.  It was a work period anyways.  Since none of us could really remember his name (I thought it was Mr. Bradley), I decided to just call him "Bro", because it was the first three letters of his last name.  And we said it in a dumb surfer voice.  Anyways, while he passed me in the hallway during lunch, he called me "Seto", which didn't phase me at all until he pointed it out.  He told me that he'd start calling me Seto since I was calling him Bro.  Then, during class, we got a talk about Aids Awareness and I said I'd wear red pants, and Mr. Brownlee stated that my purple pants I wore yesterday were obnoxious.  And that I was obnoxious.  Which hurt!  Well, not really, but I told him that I wasn't going to talk to him for the rest of the class.  At one point, he sat in the desk in front of me to try to get me to talk to him, but I just pulled my desk back.  And then later he took my calculator and typed "IM SORRY" on it.  I didn't talk to him until the very end of class.  It was pretty fun.

Also, there is a guy in band who came here from China.  Have I mentioned this before?  Anyways, the first day he was in band class, we had a conversation and ended up taking the same bus home.  So on Thursday, he came up to me after band class and asked if I would take the bus home with him.  Unfortunately, I was staying to watch the volleyball game (our senior girls owned!), and so he asked if I would take the bus with him next week and I agreed.  It was sweet!

you were what i wanted, i gave what i gave

This weekend I went to a funeral in Edmonton, and it was incredibly sad because I couldn't stand to see how devastated my relatives were. My siblings and I were not close to my great aunt, but to see my great uncle .. that hurt so much.

My grandparents are staying at my house, I do not know how long. But it's nice; I love my grandparents. Gavin and I just had a conversation on msn about how I was, and I'm glad that it wasn't in person because I was getting pretty close to crying. This doesn't feel like the best. I wish I was brave enough to ask him what I wanted to know, but I wasn't. The bravest thing I've ever done was admit to him how I felt, and it just ended up with me getting brutally hurt. And him being sorry doesn't make it feel any better.

why can't things always just begin, because they always end in tears

Gavin Hodges, thanks for making my birthday so very, very amazing. Right from the moment you picked me up, to the moment we said goodbye. I couldn't wait for yesterday simply because it was the day that we would hang out, just the two of us. Thanks for lunch, for the present, for the card, for the long walk. When we stopped at that bench, that was the best part of the day. I love it when you warm up your hands on my back, when you lean your head against mine so I can feel you blink, when you run your fingers through my hair, when you kiss me on the cheek and look me in the eyes. You are so cute, so .. amazing, and I'm so glad that we are in the place where we are. Like you said, I haven't even known you for a year, but I am so glad I know you now. I can't believe how great my life is with you in it. I can't believe how much I love you.

My siblings got me The Office, season four, for my birthday, so we watched that the entire time that we were at home. I love it so much! We went out for dinner, and ordered way too many dishes, and when we got home we had a blizzard cake! I ate way too much cake, but we still have so much left. Being seventeen feels no different from being sixteen. Even though so many things are changing, I still feel the same.

listening to: introduction - voxtrot

i cannot live without your voice

The week is over! It felt so dragged out. Math makes me want to fall asleep, social studies is pretty funny, chemistry is interesting, and I have a spare! Which I think is pretty darn awesome. Classes being an hour long rocks. I like running into Gavin on my way to math.

Tonight I have to work, and then it's the weekend. I am actually quite excited for tomorrow! It's getting pretty close.

Okay, I'm updating this right now. I worked for an hour before my assistant manager told me that the place was dead and that I could leave. Which I thought was pretty sweet, although I doubt I'll get paid. Oh well. My family is finally back to normal! I love it. Sometimes it feels kind of tense, but I guess that's how it used to be, and at least my parents are talking to each other, and sitting with each other again. Life is really good right now. But we're out of chocolate milk.

you make me wish for a more dangerous life

I had the most amazing foursome ever today. I didn't exactly play well, but I got to play with Brecken, Ali, and Kristina. I haven't played with any of them for a year or two, and so we had a lot of fun. I probably stopped focusing on golf, but it was worth it. We talked, and laughed, and were ridiculous. It was the easiest group to fit into, even though I was sucking, it didn't matter; I was with friends and we were enjoying ourselves.

I've been watching the Olympics with my family for pretty much the entire day. The finals for men's team gymnastics is playing again, and it is pretty much our favorite event to watch so far. China owns!

and that's when i met you

It's funny. I'm different around my family than when I'm around my friends, and it's most definitely because they see me a lot differently than how my friends see me. At home I suck. At least around other people I feel happy. And around some people I just feel like I'm going to explode, I feel so great when I'm around them.

I don't know who I am, I doubt I ever will. I'm always going to be lost, but I like the view and the air smells good.

listening to: dooley - heypenny

at least the war is over

Today qualifies as a very good day.  This morning, Aidan, Lindsay, and I sealed the deal to add "plex" after all of our nouns again.  If you forgot to add it, you lost and you'd have to pay the last one standing five dollars.  Well, of course, Lindsay lost right away and then Aidan lost because we didn't really know which pronouns were pronouns, so we had to restart.  But then in English Aidan lost, and then at lunch Lindsay lost, so I won.  Aidan gave me a McDonald's buck, and Lindsay is going to give me Canadian Tire money.  Not ten bucks, but it was fun.

I like math class.  During bio, we did an activity that counted as fun because it didn't require notes.  Transcribing DNA is easy.  Band was pretty fun.  I gave Elliot a couple pins because he is a cool guy, and his reaction was sweet.  Standing beside Mac and Elliot when we play the Pineapple Poll song, they are quite the duo.  They make counting easy.  Blue Shades is just a good song to play.

After band was over, I found out that my old friends were playing badminton in the gym, and it was nice seeing them again.  I'm seeing them again tomorrow after choir.  Since I didn't have my own ride, I got a ride with Aidan to the train station, and that alone was really good.  I owned an iPod touch for a minute before giving it up to my sister, but that's okay.  I'll get mine soon.  For now I get my sister's 30 gb.  And the sweetest thing:  I got the golf camp letter today.  May 12th and 13th, baby.

they say size doesn't count, but my heart is a house

Last night my siblings and I actually had some together time, it's been a while since we all got together and did something, and it was fun. It's fun making fun of my brother, even though really I love him and I hope he knows that. We started out playing DDR, but after that got boring because we only own one mat, so we went on to play Mario Kart and I love the reactions of my siblings, how they'll yell in frustration or how we'll all give this yell, sort of like a prayer, that somehow we'll get that red turtle shell that will hit the person in front of us, thus allowing us to get 2nd place or whatever. I really love having three siblings, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

This evening, I filed away all of the notes I've received, and it felt like I just cataloged all of the love ever given to me.

listening to: mini t.v.'s - chad vangaalen

but it won't kill me lovin', babe

We took like 130 pictures today, and most of them are of Jessica (aka SEGA!), which is pretty funny. Hanging around the Rosza Centre was decent to begin with, but then after I just got so annoyed with everyone being loud. Having around 90 people standing backstage can drive you nuts. But anyways, band during school was pretty fun. The last people did their playing tests today, and I passed more notes. I passed one to Keith (aka Mr. Rogers!), wishing him a happy birthday (and we sang him "Happy Birthday" in different languages backstage!), and to Nick asking him about his whip, and I replied to Tamara (aka Big Mac), wrote to Leslie (aka Tater Tots), commented on Henry's (aka Monochromatic Man's) orange, drew a picture for Sheila, and to Natalie. When I was sending a note to Tamara, I put it on a stand and extended it, trying to reach Tamara. Then she tried to transfer it from her stand onto her flute. And then Mr. Paddock looked up. So we had to stop and drop and sit quietly. Until Haley was done her playing test. Mr. Paddock sent a note back to me, and it was awesome. Number one triangle! Yay!

We had dinner at Mac Hall, and that was pretty fun. We kept trying to get a creeper picture of Jessica, and she'd pose for everything. It was funny watching her pose as she ate her fries. We took mirror-ceiling pictures, jumping pictures, and lots of pictures in our white shirts. The performance was actually pretty good too, although I was really tired and just ready to go home.

I just had a conversation with my parents about the pressure they lay on us, and they told me that it was because they knew that we have that potential, and that we are smart enough to be in the 90s. I told them that their pressure makes me feel like I'm going to get killed in my house. And that I maybe wanted to be a specialist doctor. Maybe take kinesiology, study anatomy, and body movement.

the trees are so quiet

This is post number one hundred, it took me six months but here it is *EDIT, NOT ACTUALLY MY 100th, BLOGGER DECEIVED ME*. I'm going to try to make this as substantial as possible, and try to make this worth your time. Because apparently people from Massachusetts and Spain and India are randomly stumbling across this, and commenting on the correct grammar of my blog name! Exciting. Lately I've been having a lapse of creativity. Maybe I just don't know how to make words sound nice anymore. I've been trying to think so something to submit, but nothing has sparked. I even began recording my dreams, so I could remember them, but they haven't been very interesting. So far I've been to the movies but haven't watched one, lived in a hotel, talked to two people I just met this year, and watched a game of basketball being played in a basement by six year olds. There has definitely been nothing there to write about. Last night I spent three hours finishing my social studies, and I thought that was pretty brutal. Especially since all I had to do was write out a letter being written by a Canadian soldier during world war i, and I already had it typed out on the computer. But no, I had to stain the paper, write it out in handwriting, and then outline it. Boo for me. Hopefully it scores us a hundred, or else I'm thinking that Catrin might murder me. I'm not sure if I want to use paragraphs in this post. Paragraphs always break thoughts, but I just want to have all of my thoughts connected together by bits of yarn. Colourful yarn, with red and blue and green and purple and any other colour out there. Today in bio we did yet another lab, and now I just remembered that I have a quiz tomorrow. But anyways, during the lab our specimen died. And then when we tried to redo the lab, the next one died. It was depressing. But then I got to learn a little more about some of my peers. Like that Kim swims 8 times a week, in the morning and after school! Now that's intense. I like Kim. She's very quiet, but she's good company. Tomorrow I might be playing drums for my friend, and I think some of my other friends are going to crash it, except I'm not even sure if I can go because after I told my mom she got cranky. My family bewilders me sometimes. But anyways. My friend is going to invite my friend's girlfriend to come too, which sucks because I still like him and I have to admit, it hurts to see them together. I should definitely try to stop liking him, but it's hard. I wish there was a power button where you can just shut down certain parts of your emotions. Like a robot. In grade eight, these two guys in my class kept saying that they thought I was a robot because I was "so smart". And they had a whole bunch of other reasons why they came to that conclusion. It was pretty weird. I didn't like grade eight that much. My power cord sucks, so the power stops reaching the battery constantly, causing the screen to flicker. It also doesn't help that my mom unplugged the cord when my computer was on, for some reason, during the day, so the computer died, and so a pop up message keeps telling me that I should connect to a power outlet. I was supposed to get a new phone today, I'm not sure if my dad managed to do it or not but I really doubt it. Now I will have to wait another month to get the phone. I am so tired of waiting. I hate waiting for anything. If things were shorter, there would be less of a chance for something to go wrong. Kind of like what the student teacher in English said, that for short answers the less you write the more chance it would be 100% right, and then as you keep going on, you start getting off topic and eventually you have a wrong answer. That happened to me for one question on the test, but then she let me have the point. Maybe it's because I argued, because I definitely don't think she likes me. I talk too much during English class. Good thing we have band class instead of English tomorrow. Today's band class went by pretty fast, probably because I spent any time I wasn't playing copying down cues and cuts for Beauty and the Beast from Aidan's book. I didn't manage to eat my lunch until the end of band class, which was basically near the end of school. And Hailey ate almost all of the banana bread my mom made for me, with chocolate chips, and that made me so angry because I don't understand why someone would be such a jerk. Even if she is my friend. My sister makes me irritated too, like if you didn't know the person who was picking up your sister, why would you ask your sister for a ride? WHY? I'm so busy all of the time. I should be doing my biology lab right now, but I figure I'll do it during my spare tomorrow. I am going to be so screwed next semester without a spare, seriously. I'll be like, "oh I've got time tomorrow, WHAT, I have math this period?" And then I'll fail grade 11 and then I will never make it to university and become the doctor I know my mom wants me to be. But anyways. I'm free next Tuesday, by the way, if anyone misses me. Which I doubt.

Anyways, 98th post. Who actually reads these?

listening to: that's when the audience died (live) - final fantasy

i don't mind sleeping on your floor

"Things are better spontaneous", that was the text message I got. Friday I had plans but didn't really have plans. I went with Cailey, Megan, and Tess to North Hill to go look for stuff for their RHPS costumes. We bought chocolate at Shoppers', bought Girl Guide cookies from a cute girl you just couldn't say no to.

After that, Cailey and I left to go other places. I went to the Folk Fest headquarters, a trek that took half an hour, and when I got there, that white sign made my heart drop, and made me turn around and head back. I met Carly at the train station! I hadn't seen Carly in the longest time, it was really nice. We had a good six minute conversation before Heather arrived.

I met my sister's friend at CJSW, apparently my sister is liked. That's surprising. I'm kidding. We got earplugs and pins, even Heather, who pledged NOTHING. After that, we hung around the cafeteria. And this is things just sprang up. I wasn't supposed to go a show that night. I wasn't supposed to stay out at 11. Friday nights are the ones I spend doing homework .. at home! But that was what happened. That show was pretty much the most intimate concert I've ever been to (although I haven't gone to many concerts). The Winks were amazing! I regret not buying anything from them, but really, I had no money. I'm really sad I didn't get to see The Grim Beat.

Saturday morning I played basketball at the school, which was fun. I didn't suck, which is a good thing, even though I've got to build up my endurance. It was fun playing against Brooke and Aneca, they are so tall. It felt good faking out people. Right after basketball, I went to work, and made ninja stars. Adam and Ed are such fun guys. At the end of the night, Ed tried on a compression shirt, which was just hilarious.

After work, my family went out for Japanese food for my sister's birthday. I didn't realize that I liked sushi, but it was good. The beef teriyaki was the best, though. After that, we went to see Dan in Real Life, which was a good enough movie. Some people from Abe sat beside my sister and I, which was pretty weird, because it was that kind of thing where you know who they are, but they don't really know you. But anyways.

Sunday, which was yesterday, I went to Scream Fest with Megan and Mikki, which was really fun and unexpected, seeing as we made plans an hour before we met up. It was fun watching Megan and Mikki get scared, and laughing at them. Some things were really scary, though. Like the Black Hole. That guy freaked me out, seriously! In the festival tent, I found five dollars on the ground, and Megan basically took it from me. It was a really good weekend.

Today, I got yelled at for talking twice. I got told, "We approve of you" at lunch. I tried on my Halloween costume and it is epic.

"If I die, it's all your fault."

listening to: the park - feist

the timing was right, the pleasure was mine

I am sitting here, chewing on a pen, just being content. It's my sister's birthday, and it made my heart feel pretty good seeing how happy she was with her presents. I think we were supposed to do something today, but we haven't. Everybody has just been hanging around the house. We're having our turkey today. And cake after.

I almost can't wait for tomorrow to come, so I can give people some stuff I've worked on over the weekend. The past three days have felt really, really long. Like saran wrap covering a bowl of leftovers that you left over because you didn't really want to eat it, because you didn't like it. I've stopped feeling lonely these days, it feels good.

listening to: superconnected - broken social scene