danken

Things have been rather a blur this past week.  First off, I am going to Germany in a mere two days!  It doesn't seem that long ago when we were exclaiming that there were only forty more days, thirty more days, and now it's right around the corner.  It almost seems surreal.  I have no idea what expect!  Well I am expecting it to be the best time of my life, actually.  I really hope it is.  After what has happened and the things I have been feeling, I need a super major uplift.  One as bright as the sun.

A brief recap of things that happened this week:  Monday I went out for lunch with Amanda, Natalie, and Mikki in Kensington.  It was a riot.  I hung out with Heather that afternoon and we went to the Camera Store.  I bought a Gorilla Pod.  She almost bought a Holga.  Which reminds me, I should ask her if she ever picked it up or not.  Anyways.  On Tuesday I did my dramatic monologue in English, which made me really nervous but it went well in the end.  On Wednesday I goofed around in chemistry because Zwicker was watching our class, and it was basically a period to do whatever you want.  We all played with my Gorilla Pod because it is just that much fun.  I had a golf lesson that night and stayed up till one studying for chemistry and English.  I wrote a test in chemistry first period on Thursday and watched Jessica and The Throwaways play for Battle of the Bands.  They were good.  On Friday, which was yesterday, I went to the mall with Mikalina to buy stuff in preparation for Germany.  We ran into so many people that we knew!  We also had to go to about seven stores to buy black pants before finally finding a good deal in Garage.  Who would've thought, Garage!  Anyways.  I also got a pair of black flats, batteries, a disposable camera, and a prepaid Visa.  You know what blows?  $20.25 US is about $25.10 Canadian.  My prepaid Visa was $25.00 Canadian.  I was ten cents short to buy the hard copy of Metric's new album!  I just settled for the digital copy.  From the mall we walked to Mikki's house, which felt like the longest walk ever because my feet were sore and my shoulders were tired.  We worked on the scrapbooks for our host families, and they are coming along quite nicely!  It is a good thing Mikki is so artsy.  We ate greasy pizza and listened to High School Musical via Youtube to try to get A Mighty Fortress Is Our God out of our heads.  We ended the night watching Mary Poppins.  It was so much fun! 

Today I work, and I have to get a haircut sometime before Monday.  Which means either tonight (hopefully) or Sunday.  We'll see!  I am so excited!!!

the pure, simple truth:

I still think about you at least once every single day.  It has been seven months and I am still waiting for absolutely nothing.  I try to stay as realistic as possible, but once in a while, I'll get a tiny fleet of hope that I'll try to stamp out, but will linger in my mind anyways.

It doesn't hurt the way it used to, and I don't ever cry about it anymore, but yeah I still miss you.  I miss your hands and eyes and your love.  Sometimes I spend my time wondering what I did wrong, what I could've said to maybe change your mind.  There are so many regrets and so many scorched pieces of memory that I wish I could've changed.  Why is it that I am only seventeen and already I wish I had done my life differently?  I keep thinking, if I was prettier, or smarter, or cooler, or charismatic, maybe you'd be as much in love with me as I am you.  I hate admitting this fact that I still love you, but it's a feeling that will never, ever go away.  There's always a minute of my day where I wonder if you still have this feeling hidden somewhere too.

i'm stuck

First thing I'm going to do when I win the lottery:  buy a Nikon dSLR camera, along with as many lenses as I possibly can buy.  My mom says I'm obsessed with taking pictures, and I think I am.  Right now, in the point of my life, there is nothing else I'd rather do than take pictures.  Thing I'm looking forward to most in Germany?  The amazing scenery I will get to capture on my camera.  Getting closer with my friends is on top of that, by a hair.

I got a new Gorilla Pod today, it's sweet.  I can't wait to actually try it out.  Man I just want to be a photographer!

it won't stop rewinding!

This weekend was a pretty good one, I must say.  I've been pretty busy and I haven't really thought of updating, so I guess here it is.  I didn't get quite as much homework done as I wanted, specifically in English.  I definitely should have gotten a bunch of letters done for my Othello ABCs, but I only got one and three quarters done.  Oh well.  I'm thinking if worst comes to worst, I will do it on the eight hour plane ride to Germany and the eight hour ride back.  It's probably for the best that I spend that time away from my friends, or else we'll probably go crazy from being together and being so annoying.  Because really, that's the dynamics in our group; we annoy the heck out of each other to the point that it is absolutely hilarious.  Plus, nobody actually takes offence and it's all in good fun.  I'm just afraid that after eight hours of confined berating somebody's going to snap.  But anyways.  There is just so much English homework!  I should've read my book today so I can start on the pre-seminar, but alas, I didn't.  I guess I can do that in band .. hm.

Well enough about English and more about my weekend.  I kicked it off on Friday by going downtown with Mikalina to take photos to scrapbook for our German host families.  However, my film got messed up because I potentially screwed it all up when I forgot to take the camera off rewind when I was trying to figure it out.  Apparently I'm awesome with all technology, but when it comes down to a stupid analog camera I am an idiot.  Anyways, I think it might've run the battery when it kept rewinding, so it took a while for the camera to actually take pictures when I wanted to.  The sky was a perfect blue and the river was frozen to the point of beauty.  The Calgary Tower was magnificent against the blank sky.  The setting was just so perfect that I am praying that the pictures worked.  I'll have to wait until either Tuesday or Friday to find out.  Stupid Shoppers Drug Mart.  I then went home and worked on my homework.  That's two Fridays in a row!  

I worked all day Saturday, and it was pretty boring.  Sometimes I hate working at Golf Town because it's just not interesting anymore.  It's really easy work, and I'm terrible at holding conversations with my coworkers, even though they're all really friendly and nice.  I had to sell raffle tickets for band, and I wanted to sell them to customers but I got way too shy.  I hate asking people to buy things when I don't know them.  Instead, I asked all my coworkers and most of them agreed to buy one.  I sold all eight!  I was so happy.  I work with the nicest guys.  They even tried to convince Shawn (my manager) to buy one, but he wouldn't.  Ah well.  It felt pretty good.  I went home to a house that smelled like burnt crackers because my brother had put crackers and cheese in the microwave for two minutes, causing the plate to explode and the crackers to set on fire.  We watched Get Smart, had some good laughs, and then I went to bed because I was extremely tired and because of daylight savings.

Today Mikki and I got together to take more pictures.  First we went to North Hill Mall to get some Canadian stuff for our host families, and then we went to Shopper's to drop off my film.  It took forever to rewind, until we thought it jammed because it wouldn't move past sixteen.  Finally I opened up the camera to find that it was already rewound in a tightly packed cylinder.  Weird.  Mikalina put in a new roll of film for me, and it worked a couple of times and then it wouldn't.  I brought it in to Black's and he said that the motor was run out.  Side note:  when I got home, I tried to take another picture and it worked.  So my dad thinks that the batteries were just dying.  Luckily I brought my digital camera, which proved that it was superior in the fact that I can rely on it.  Mikki's mom drove us to the top of the COP hill, and it was so cold and windy!  My eyes teared up so badly because of the wind, and so I couldn't even see what I was taking a picture of.  We stayed up there for a total of one minute and then booked it and took pictures at the bottom of the hill.  After that, we went downtown and Mikki and I took pictures outside of the car windows as her mom drove us to Stephen Avenue.  We bought more Canadiana stuff, took more pictures outside the window, and then we parted ways.

I wish that the weekend would never end!  I got my progress report card on Friday and surprisingly, my best subject is English.  Totally weird.  I'm only getting 85 and 83 in math and chemistry, which is pretty disappointing.  It's because of that one stupid unit test!  And the fact that we have so many quizzes in math.  Everyone keeps telling me that things will get better.  Hopefully it does.  I'm praying that it does.

Nearly two weeks until I get on a plane and escape from this country!

listening to:  rise up in the dirt - voxtrot

what will make you believe me?

Today has been the best day I've had in a couple of weeks.  I guess it was because I did not have to stress about school whatsover because I finished my homework earlier this weekend (I'm finally getting this down!).  Anyways.  My day started out with me going to Diana's house to teach her drums.  She still hasn't got it down yet, but it's nice to hang out with her, even though she's banging the drums at the wrong time.  It'll get better soon!  haha but yeah.  After that I went to Nellie's to meet Kim for her birthday brunch.  It was Kim, Bonnie, Megan, Tess, and I and it was really good.  We had to wait so long for a table and to get our food but it was so worth it.  After that we went to Purr and I got my grad dress.  Except I didn't really realize it then, I just really liked it and it was not expensive at all, and it looks pretty good.  So I bought it.  Tonight when I got home I showed my mom and my sister and they liked it too and said I should wear it to grad.  I wish I could wear it earlier!  But I think that it'll be a good dress for grad, and I'm just too lazy to think about those kinds of things and actually go out and look for something.  This way it's just not forced.  It's like .. things just happened.  Which is a good way things should come together!

After that we went to The Rocket because we were going to get Kim a pair of new sunglasses for her birthday, but then we found out that she just got new Ray-Bans for her birthday.  So then after we went to American Apparel and I bought a new sweater and we tried on ridiculous dresses and skirts.  It was fun.  After that, Kim, Bonnie, and I went to Bonnie's house and ate cake and played Monopoly.  I really was not lucky today.  I lost pretty badly because Bonnie got so many hotels and houses, and even though Kim willed all of her property and money to me after she left, I still could not defeat Bonnie.  It was frustrating but really fun.  I love board games.

After that, I headed to Brittany's so I could hang out with her one last time before she departs for France.  We went with Jessica to the Cheesecake Cafe and had dinner, which was really, really good.  I was so stuffed from everything I ate.  We stayed at the restaurant for probably an hour and a half after we finished eating because we were just so into our conversations.  I was really glad we got to talk about so much stuff, because with them it's easy to get things off my chest without anything getting too serious.  It helped me realize a lot of things.  Like how I'm in a good place right now, even though things are pretty stressful.  Anyways, they dropped me off and I've just been hanging out at home.  But what a good day.  What a good day.