wish i was capable of lying sometimes

I like how you decided to make a periodic table of our classroom, and made me an element. We could react together, let's make an ionic compound. You z-score my life.

i used to be your biggest fan

I don't like my chemistry class that much right now. I don't like the teacher, she's kind of boring. I don't like the seating plan. Maybe when we actually start doing stuff, I'll be interested. On the plus side: maybe I don't get distracted, because I won't have anyone to distract me. Or, I'll just get bored to death and start slacking off. It happened last year in social studies, until I moved. I don't know. I don't know how this is going to go.

I'm already planning on doing non-chemistry related things during class tomorrow. And copying off of my friend's work. But other than that, I'm pretty happy with my other courses.

There's some stuff I have to figure out.

it's a hospital bed but it's all just the same

Cailey, Megan, Mikki, Gavin, Diana, Aidan, and Cole came over. We watched a lot of The Office and played with my recliners. It was quite a comfortable silence, and it's always good to laugh in a group. What else is there to describe? We played musical chairs with my couches, although not really, it was just sitting in someone else's spot when they got up. I got to sit beside Aidan for a long time, I liked it. He left last, so we hung out in my basement for a little while. We didn't play on my drums, or play foozeball, or hockey, or basketball, or Gamecube, or Wii, which is what we could have done. We instead stood by the door and talked, talked about soccer and scarred childhoods. It was perfect.

I've kept all of your letters, but I can't read them anymore. It kind of hurts how we used the word love. Like an icicle, it's melted and now is just a pool of water sitting at our feet. But then again, since it's only gone through a physical change, it hasn't disappeared. It's just in a different state right now.

listening to: he poos clouds - final fantasy

conversations about weather and the "perfect family"

Our band is pretty cool, I've got to say. We have enough songs for an EP now! All we need are lyrics. I should probably get on that sometime. I like drumming, and the songs we play are pretty good, even if they're not what I usually listen to. I also like the song that Gavin and I made. Hanging out with Gavin is really fun, I can't wait until tomorrow when he comes over to my house.

"remember: band comes before boyfriend
lol jk"

wondering why they never cried when their cats got eaten by the coyotes

CAILEY IS AN AMAZING PERSON.

I went over to her house last night, with plans to have a winter adventure but we didn't anticipate the -30 degree weather. We still went out, though. We layered up, decked out in snow pants and scarves and mitts, made tracks in the snow, and ran to the ice rink to discover that the ice was covered in snow. So, we decided to write our names in the snow with the shovels that were lying around. All the while, we were shouting to each other, to get ourselves heard over the wind and the sound of the scraping shovels. We tried to take a picture of it, and so she held the hockey net while I climbed on top of it, only to get a general picture of the ice. We then wrote our names in smaller versions and took pictures of that, and made snow angels, and slid on the ice. We were about to go roll down the big hill when we realized that it looked really bumpy, so we headed back to the rink and I realized that my feet were so ridiculously cold that we decided to go in and have some hot chocolate.

We tried making the hot chocolate from cocoa powder, sugar, and milk. At first it tasted absolutely gross, because we hadn't put enough sugar but after, with a whole lot more cocoa and even more sugar, we finally had something that tasted like hot chocolate except really, really gritty. We played Boggle because she said it was extremely fun, and it was. Then we got the idea to play chess, where I got whooped because we were both doing random moves, and then we decided to Monopoly. I kept rolling doubles, and she kept having to mortgage Boardwalk, and her brother pounded Ratatat from downstairs and it was all really fun. Neither of us bought a single house until the end, when my dad was coming to pick me up, and I decided to buy a house. She never landed on that space after. It was an awesome night.

but me i'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split

Work was fantastic today, it wasn't really boring at all. A couple hours in, Greg realized that I was getting a lot of people to sign up for our store's membership, so he told me that if I got twenty people to sign up he would give me ten bucks that I could spend in Golf Town, so that definitely made things interesting. Some people were pretty hard to get to sign up, I have to admit. It was nice, however, that most of the guys told me they would help me out. Even though only Ed managed to get some people to sign up - my last three! So yeah. The day went by pretty fast. Next weekend is Sumo Saturday and Stephen Ames will be coming in, so that will be pretty exciting. Adam is quite the person. "Hey Adam, guess what's coming up? Chinese New Year!" "But you're KOREAN!"

I can't wait for the next few days coming up, they are going to be a whole lot of fun.

and you love me just like a stranger

I went out and hung with Jessica today, it was a whole lot of fun! At first I was kind of afraid that it would be a bit awkward, because I don't actually hang out with her a lot, and I wasn't sure if we'd have that much to say to each other, but we headed down to Oolong, sat down and just talked. We talked and talked for at least two hours, the foam from my hot chocolate had dried to the sides of my cup by the time we decided to head back out. I love Jessica's personality. After when we were getting on the train we ran into her friend, and we headed down to her house and watched TV for an hour and so. What did we learn from Little House On The Prairie? In order to get your parents back together, pretend to be blind. Then, fall off a horse pretending to fall off a horse to fake a recovery from being blind, causing you to forget that you faked being blind, and there you have it! A happy ending. God loves you.

I think I'll call you now. Maybe now. Uh .. now? Why is this so hard?

listening to: stars and sons - broken social scene

if i were to make a movie it would have great special effects

I hung out with Nick today, which was pretty decent. It wasn't really awkward or anything despite the fact that we don't really talk to each other that often, other than one time? But anyways. We walked to Eau Claire from Centre Street station, and when we were walking towards the lights he accidentally bumped a guy with crutches and the guy got so mad at him. He just turned around and started yelling at Nick. "Come back here so I can knock you over!" Which was funny because Nick said that the guy pretty much stuck his shoulder out. It was a good thing the light turned green. And that the guy was on crutches.

It was really cold walking, and we even took the long way thanks to my stupidity. When we got to Eau Claire, we found out that the theatre was closed and there wasn't any signs or anything explaining why. So, had to walk back to the c-train and ride a crowded train to Chinook. We went to HMV and managed to get the last copy of He Poos Clouds for his dad, and so we thought that things were looking up for us. Wrong.

I haven't seen Juno yet, but he's seen it, but he was willing to see it again because apparently it's just that good. So we headed up to the theatre, hoping that the next show time would be soon, but it turned out to be at 7:20. And it was 4:40. We had missed the last time by about a good hour, so we decided we'd just watch another movie. He had talked about Cloverfield when we were taking the train, and so we figured we'd watch that movie, because it was the only one playing within the next half hour. So we go to buy tickets, and the guy is like, "do you get motion sickness?" and I'm like "no ..." And he just goes on saying that if you don't feel good, to get out of the theatre, and that nobody would look down on us if we went out, so it seemed kind of sketchy. Then we go to the arcade place to kill some time, and all over there are signs like "Cloverfield is filmed by hand camera, do not watch if you get motion sickness" and we're like errr ok. We played two games of air hockey and I beat him twice, which was fun.

The movie itself was pretty good. It made me feel kind of sick, my head hurt from the camera work but luckily my mom called me about forty minutes in or something and I left to talk and clear my head. And, I missed a really scary moment which was good for me. I'm definitely not a scary movie kind of person. I've never watched one in theatres, and this one was intense. I actually screamed near the end, not the kind of high pitched scream, but I screamed. They drag on the suspense for so long that every time I heard a loud noise or anything, I'd get nervous. Ahh but I liked it. I kind of instinctively leaned towards Nick while I was covering my eyes, and even he was shaking. Soooo.

After I got into my mom's car and said goodbye to him, we drove my sister's friend home. As soon as she got out of the car, my mom asked me if he was my boyfriend. And I laughed. Then my sister went on about how whenever I talk to a guy, I always walk slow, even though she's only seen me talk to two guys. And one was Aidan. Uh so yeah. I don't think I walked slow with Nick ..

we lift our hands and pray over your body but nothing ever happens

I spent basically my whole night last night in the bathroom puking. It would have been awesome if it was just to cleanse my system, and if after a while I felt better, but instead it turns out that I have a stomach flu, and I have to wait two or three days to recover. Which really works out when I make plans on Monday, now I have no idea if I can go or not.

At least I stopped puking, seeing as I don't really have anything in my stomach to throw up. My dad and I spent over an hour at the clinic, and my stomach hurt like nothing before. Thank goodness for Gravol - my stomach feels really strange right now but at least it's not really hurting. Hopefully I'll be able to fall asleep sooner or later, I am exhausted but I have too many body parts making me uncomfortable.

I wish you would call me. But then again, I don't believe you have my cell or home number, which is shame. Maybe I'll talk to you tomorrow.

listening to: the sea - final fantasy

so feel free to drop the ghostly line, 'i'll be glad you called'

I was part of debate, and we all were sitting in desks in the foyer of the school. At the front are three or four people who looked really eccentric. After a massive discussion, I end up with a lady who is pursuing me, even though I'm a girl. We go to my house, except it's not actually my house. There was a period where I got her to go away, but she ends up at my house anyways. My friend who I live with let her in, I guess. She is all over me and it's extremely uncomfortable. After many attempts to get her out, and her getting too close to me, she finally gets out and I'm able to be in my kitchen with just my friend.

I end up outside shortly after, and I'm back in my cul-de-sac. It turns out that the woman now lives in the house beside ours, and it's not a woman, it's a man. My dad is on a motorcycle, although he's not actually my dad. I tell him that there's a woman pursuing me, and he laughs and asks why anyone would do this. I give him the most serious look and say, "it's because .. I'm part of the Fab Five." My dad stares at me and bursts out in laughter before driving off.

A policeman with a thick mustache then comes up to me and tells me that he believes me, and that he'll help me. I look into the window and I see the man staring back at me, so I run back into my house through the open door. With super speediness, he ends up in my house though, and I have to use brute strength to get him out. I lock the door and run to the kitchen to pull out a biggest knife from my mom's knife set.

Then I woke up.

refrigerator hums a tune it claims the tv taught it

119 songs played in order from least played to most. Nine units.

I'm impressed with myself.

Other than studying, I didn't do anything today. Maybe conversed a lot on Facebook, I like how my notifications for today were pretty much wall posts from 1:31 am to 9:01 pm, and there's at least one every hour. I can't wait until tomorrow, when I finish bio 20 and I no longer have to worry about exams. This post is really boring, but my day was too so there'd be no way to make this sound awesome except if I lied.

listening to: the needle has landed - neko case

i've got a man to stick it out and make a home from a rented house

I hate it when I can't fall asleep, even though I desperately try to get tired. Last night I didn't manage to fall asleep until way after four in the morning, which really wasn't good since my social studies exam was at 9:00. I wasn't even worrying about the exam, more about what was going to happen after it. My heart pounded way too fast, my stomach clenched and unclenched, and my skin felt so hot I wanted to live in just my bones.

The exam was alright, I'm thinking I got over 80 which isn't too bad, but it's not a ninety. I wanted to find out how I did on my essay but I couldn't find my teacher. I did, however, find out that my unit test average is now 80, which is pretty sweet.

After the exams, Aidan and I went to Starbucks, and we spent over an hour just talking and it was really good. After,we took pictures for the band council thing. It was really funny; we found a random computer monitor in the parking lot, a license plate that said "GIGEDY", and a "Grease Only" container. We went to Wendy's after, and spent about another hour talking.

We had a long pause when neither of us spoke, he was playing with the salt and my mind was screaming at me to tell him. My stomach felt sick, my heart was pounding in my throat too loudly, and it was weird to hear the quietness around us, to have stopped talking for once. I was scared, and I almost felt like I was going to black out from the panic and fear pumping in my brain.

I finally told him what I wanted him to hear.

they all need to be a cause

Days like these make me wish I had the house to myself more. It's not like I took advantage of it and did something I wouldn't do if my parents were here, like what Jessica told me to do the last time I was home alone, but I just basked in it and studied. Music sounds better when it's the only thing you can hear, and there isn't your brother playing piano and the sound of conflict raging in the background. It's a lot easier to think.

I studied pretty much for all of the day. Well, until I turned on my computer. After that, I just got distracted. I don't think I really need to study anymore, though. Whenever I read over a sentence in the textbook, my brain barely processes it, because it feels like I already know it. I'm scared that I don't actually know all of the information, though. On Friday my social studies teacher told me that she was expecting that I'd get a 80, which made me panic a bit. I don't want a 80, I want a 90. I don't want my mark to go down and be under 90 because I've been doing so well in social studies until that final essay.

In the text book is a whole chapter on art and music that we didn't study in class. The pictures and the artwork and all of the descriptions of the artists' methods and thoughts are all so intriguing, I doubt I'll have to know about van Gogh and Beethoven on the exam but I really felt the need to read it. Until I got up to the technology part. I really didn't want to read about steam power.

listening to: lover's spit - broken social scene

come and slip and slide right through the ground

To you, I think the fact that you are consuming my thoughts and my dreams must account for something. I missed you today, I'm glad we got to talk for a bit after school. Squares and oboes. We're silly. I can't wait for Wednesday, it's going to be the day, I can feel it.

Anyways, I'm sorry about how same my posts have been, and for my pining, and for sounding so extremely lame. Maybe I'm hoping that writing will make my heart start pounding a little more normal, and help me fall asleep a little better. It's not helping either.

Things that happened today: took pictures for the band council, found out I owned my last bio unit test with a capital 'O', made a date for Wednesday. It's weird how I want to stop time and fast forward it at the same time.

sometimes the radio plays to no one

Last night we had the first band practice in FOREVER! We recorded a song, it sounds a bit shitty right now because my drumming was off and I kept forgetting when to transition, and layering was weird, but it was cool. Gavin found a whole bunch of ball in a cup's and so we played with them obsessively whenever we weren't playing .. so whenever someone else was recording. I'm at 282 now. I think Connor's still only at 241, but that's because he didn't steal one and take it home.

Gavin and I worked on my song, well I guess it's now our song because he's got the song part and I've got the lyrics to it. I felt really self conscious singing whatever melody to his guitar, but I guess it ended up pretty okay. It's really mellow. I've got to keep working on the chorus though, I can't believe I've forgotten how the rhythms go already. Way to go, Allison.

just prescribe the red ones

I wish we would never get interrupted, anything that happens between us now seems to be so perfect. I am so willing to give this another shot. I am so willing to make this work.

they say size doesn't count, but my heart is a house

Last night my siblings and I actually had some together time, it's been a while since we all got together and did something, and it was fun. It's fun making fun of my brother, even though really I love him and I hope he knows that. We started out playing DDR, but after that got boring because we only own one mat, so we went on to play Mario Kart and I love the reactions of my siblings, how they'll yell in frustration or how we'll all give this yell, sort of like a prayer, that somehow we'll get that red turtle shell that will hit the person in front of us, thus allowing us to get 2nd place or whatever. I really love having three siblings, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

This evening, I filed away all of the notes I've received, and it felt like I just cataloged all of the love ever given to me.

listening to: mini t.v.'s - chad vangaalen

will i ever see you again

I think I like you again, and it's begun to engrave in my mind and I start trying to compromise myself in order to get this to work. I think about all the things that went wrong, and I try to think about how to change and bend and fix it because I do miss you. I miss holding you hand and hanging out with you, I miss those moments we had, even though those moments were rare. I want more of them, I want to embrace you. Right now our relationship is so great, and it feels better than it has ever been before, so what's the harm in trying again? It seems like we are so much more connected now. We ended it before because we were too different, but suddenly it sometimes feels like we're the same, and that you're the only one who understands me when I'm actually myself. Maybe I'm just convincing myself that it will work out, and maybe I'm just in love with the concept, but right now all I think about is you. Last night I kept myself up all night creating scenarios where I confess to you all of this. I'd ask if you want to go for coffee one day after school, because I owe you, and then we'd joke around and be weird walking to Starbucks. After we get our coffee I tell you that I still like you, and that maybe we could give it another chance, and then from there it ends because I have absolutely no idea what your thoughts on me are. I mean, that Friday it felt like we were so in touch, but I'm not sure if you consider me only a friend or if you've thought this, or if I'm even a close enough friend to you now. And then after that, I imagine myself hanging out with you more, at lunch, during band, after school. Maybe I'm just hoping that you'll take the first step, because I've never before.

I had a really good day at work yesterday. Erica worked with me yesterday, and she is just so much fun! It's probably because she is only two years older than me, and she doesn't really take things seriously. I think I actually acted like myself at work, I felt kind of crazy .. especially with the scissors. "Allison, easy there! I don't feel like getting stabbed by a ninja today!" I told Adam that he was a jerk, because he is always a jerk to me as a joke, and we got in a bit of a argument, but we resolved it all at lunch. He drew me a picture from my textbook to say sorry, which was extremely awesome. Especially when he described it to me .. "'I'm going to get me some rabbit tonight! Oh no! I can't brake because my wings are stuck at this bent angle! At least my face is really small, and flat.' And then what do you the rabbit's thinking? 'Grass grass grass, yum yum yum! Ouch! What just hit me in the ass?'" It was fun. I was totally in the work zone!

listening to: thrice all american - neko case and her boyfriends

i could fill up the lake with all the things i didn't say

I've been having a really good break, I have to admit. It's been really busy; I think I've spent a total of two days at home so far. New Year's Eve was pretty fun. Heather and I hung out for her birthday, and we did a whole bunch of stuff and did a lot of catching up. After that I headed home for dinner, and then left to go to Kaitlyn's. My sisters got really mad that I was going to a sleepover for the second time in a week. I met Kaitlyn's friends from Edmonton, who were really funny. We watched The Covenant for a while before getting really bored and skipping to the fight scene (which was also quite boring). After that we played DDR and Guitar Hero, which is awesome and I can't wait to get. We missed the countdown because we were playing, and so we drank the champagne at 12:01. I downed mine too fast to get over the gross taste, and ended up getting a pretty bad headache for a while. We ate ice cream at 1, and went to bed at around 2, I think. I had to get up the next morning "early" to go to work, so when I left, pretty much everyone else was still asleep.

Work was extremely, extremely slow. After all, why would you shop on New Year's Day? GST dropped to 5%, and that messed up my whole return process. Closing up the store was really easy since we didn't sell that much. It was entertaining watching my managers vent about being at work.

After work, we went to my aunt's house to celebrate New Year's, and we all actually bonded. It was kind of like when we were a lot younger, and had birthday parties, and we'd all sit around and play card games or video games, and other stuff like that. After dinner, we played President, and that game was amusing to no end. It got so intense. "WHY ARE YOU HIGH FIVING HER? SHE'S THE ENEMY!" We played for probably two hours. We ended with me being the president, after being president first and then moving down, and moving back up again. We ended to play Cranium, which was really fun because we got pretty intense with that too. In our second game, my sisters and I were all on a team, and we had this weird "sisterly bond" going on where we could figure out what we were getting at when it seemed really random. My throat hurt after from all the yelling.

Today I went out skating with Doug, Diana, Susan, and Gianna, which was good even though only the five of us went when we expected more people to show. We didn't skate for long before heading to Diana's house for hot chocolate. We watched the ending of Transformers. We took a lot of pictures with our phones. After everyone else left, Diana and I took a lot of pictures on her carpet, which is really comfy. They all looked so ridiculous. We also tried to take a lot of pictures of her dog.

So I guess that is kind of the end of my winter break, seeing as I'm not allowed to go out anywhere so I can study. But I guess it'll be good for me to study, seeing as I'm having a bit of trouble in bio and I want to raise my mark. Hopefully I won't drive myself crazy, though. It's not that much longer until it's back to school, and I see everyone once again. I'm kind of looking forward to that. I'm also looking forward to having band again, I'm not going to lie. I guess being back at school won't be too bad, it'll just be the learning part that will suck.

listening to: this is the dream of win and regine - final fantasy