attention good people of the universe

After three years of blogging about stupid things, I have decided to stop blogging on Blogger and instead move to tumblr. This is basically because:

a) I already have a tumblr page where I just reblog and like photos and stuff that other people post, so it's easier to just manage my blogs on one website.

b) Tumblr is just really easy and I like the layout there a lot more.

c) Honestly, I feel like I want to have a public blog that my friends can read (yes, very self-centered) and there are a lot of things I have written in this blog that I feel are very personal. I know, hey? I have this blog available to the whole wide web and I think it's too personal! Hilarious!

I'm not going to delete this blog but I will not post here anymore. There are way too many posts on this blog to erase this whole thing! Although, there are a lot of ridiculously depressing posts and a lot of ridiculously cheesy posts going on here with all of the memories and good stuff I wrote about. This whole blog was exactly what I wanted to be - a way to remember things that are going on with my life - but I feel like starting fresh will be good. I guess I should've done it at the beginning of the month to make it more symbolic, hey? Ah well. I'm going to try to incorporate more short and sweet things and try to stop with the pretentious non-paragraph posts. Maybe I'll try a different writing style; every time I read over my posts, I hate the way I put my words!

So here is the link to the new blog: http://setooo.tumblr.com. I'm sorry if this is a hassle, since I won't be up on your dashboard anymore, but to be honest, I'm not that interesting so you don't have to be obligated to follow me anymore.

Goodbye I Wish I Was A Writer, June 30, 2007 - January 31, 2010, 360 posts. You were a good listener.

listening to: mushaboom - feist

realization

I used to think that I always wanted to be surrounded by people I knew, even if I didn't know them very well. But these days I feel like unless I'm with the people I really want to be with (you know who you are), I'd much rather be alone.

listening to: liver and tan - the neighbourhood council

grow up and blow away

Today after I got home from school, I played Rock Band with my brother and then we looked up cheap watches on eBay for him to buy. While I was sitting on his chair, he stood beside me and leaned on my shoulder. I don't know why, but I've always loved it when he leaned on me. Like when we were in the car and he'd rest his head on my shoulder because he was tired. He is growing old! We're both growing and it's strange and weird.

it's the middle of the week

And I would just like to say that this whole week isn't actually as hard as I thought it was going to be.

it's easy

I've been opening up to more people lately than I used to before ... maybe it's because it doesn't exactly hurt very much anymore. Good thing? Yes. The past year and a half have been quite the vertical climb, I have to admit. There are still a lot of times where the memories come back, but hey, I know they are only memories. It was good while it lasted, but things are good right now.

So. Calculus is fun. My professor makes it all simpler, and time goes by faster with him. He's just got this quality that makes me respect him and enjoy learning from him. I hung out with Heather for a little while, I wish we could've spent more time together. I ate dinner alone, which was weird because my iPod died and I didn't bring my laptop in hopes of doing some math (dumb), so I just sat there and thought about things. Art class was really interesting, I love looking at other people's work and today we got to see a lot of stuff my art teacher's done. He is so funny! "I gave this table to my mom and dad and they ruined it. Stupid mom and dad! They're always disappointing me. I'm never giving them another artwork again EVER!" I couldn't help but laugh. Anyway. Walked back to math sciences with Stephanie, we talked about stuff like God existing and other things and it was nice. It always feels like I'm chipping off some of the hurt I have built up inside of me when I talk to other people about it.

listening to: giving up the gun - vampire weekend

what happens when you die?!

Because classes and classes of science have told me that nothing disappears. Where do all of your thoughts and memories and feelings go when your brain stops? Who are you after you're dead? You're just a body, you're just a statistic. You are only a physical reminder of who you used to be.

I think that is the one thing that scares me about dying.. not having any more thoughts. Thinking is all that I do! I think that is the only reason I write this blog, because if I didn't and I died, nobody would know who I was.

listening to: red sun no. 5 - owen pallett

so this is happiness

Lately I've been going out in the dark and taking pictures of snow-covered trees, because they are beautiful and it feels more like me. Bronwyn and I hung out yesterday because she lost her keys and went to find me at work to use my cell phone ... we ended up driving to DQ for dinner, going to her religion class, buying pizza, and picking up her sister. Today I went to go see Avatar with Tallan, Bronwyn, Natalie, and Sheila, and it was the best. My laugh felt real.

i don't know

Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep for the second time, my sister said something extremely rude to me. I was so angry I cried, and I couldn't stop crying and my blanket and pillow were soaked and the right side of my chest hurt.

please please me

Every day I feel like I know less and less people.

It feels weird to go to one class and then play cards at Mac Hall for an hour and a half after. So much wasted time. I really don't have much to do, though, so I'm not going to feel guilty.

listening to: get back - the beatles

woooooooo!

Yesterday was absolutely hilarious. I worked for six hours, and then went to Jenny's house for her birthday. The other girls got me to dress up (I had to borrow everyone's everything, and they put makeup on me) and then we headed over to this guy name Jason's house to go predrink. After a couple shots of vodka, and trying to figure out rides (which apparently was extremely hard), we all went down to the Whiskey. It was pretty much dead when we got there. Jenny got a couple more drinks. The girls drank. I chilled out with the guys. More drinks. Pretty soon, all the girls were dancing and I was hanging out at the table with all the guys. I talked to Paul a lot and it was pretty fun. He bought us a round of drinks, and then occasionally I'd see Jenny and all the other girls dancing and I couldn't help but laugh! Jenny was so drunk she was being supported by everyone else, and every few minutes someone would shout "happy birthday Jenny!" and everyone would chant her name, and everyone else would look at us like we were crazy. I loved it. Dancing with them was fun. A guy I met that night (but I can't remember his name!) who was friends with Jenny kept doing cheesy dance moves with me, and then he kept asking me why I wouldn't go and dance. So we all danced around together. I helped one of the girls go to the washroom because she was done and everyone kept telling us to cut her off. It was fun but I'm not the biggest fan of clubs so I left early with Gabe. Everyone was so drunk! It was so amusing.

yawn

Okay I have to go to bed soon (I really haven't been going to bed early OR drinking enough water, my bad times two), but I guess I haven't blogged for the past two days and I will probably forget some funny stuff that has happened.

Yesterday I went shopping with Cailey and Mikki because I didn't have any classes. We basically went shopping for stuff for their trip, so I just chilled out. I bought a mint chocolate at MEC because I was so hungry and it was great. After that, we found a place called The Holy Grail that makes delicious food! Fries and hamburgers and paninis, mmmmm so good. After that, they went to the library and I went to the mall to buy Heartland and Contra which are both amazing! Heartland is just chocolate to my ears, Owen Pallett is a genius. It all just works, even though there are so many layers to his songs. Oh man oh man. I can't stop listening to it on repeat.

After that I went to work, some girl was really snarky about eating food in the lab (you're not allowed to eat in the lab and we have numerous signs saying so). "Oh, really? I've never been told that I can't eat in here." OH REALLY? Ugh. It was a pretty long day, but nothing compared to today.

I'm so not used to spending an entire day at school. I really enjoy my math 271 class because my professor is really interesting and the stuff he teaches his interesting. I really wish, though, that he wouldn't have a lab tomorrow so I could just not go to school tomorrow until work again, but oh well. I had lunch with Natalie and later Sheila, and I just didn't feel like going to calculus so I didn't go. I think we were just reviewing integrals anyway, so it wasn't that big of a deal. I can't skip anymore classes though. Philosophy was really weird, it all felt like common sense stuff.

Art was really funny today. It's so late that by that time I wish I was already at home, but then my art professor shows us how to make clay busts and plaster sculptures and it's really interesting. And my professor ... oh man. While he was kneading the clay, he asked everyone if they had used clay before. He then told us a story about how in high school, he made a bong out of clay. His laughter is so infectious. Later on, when he was showing us the plaster demo, the first balloon popped, and then the second balloon popped, and then there was a leak in the bag. So when he tried to do it over again, when he was cutting the string of the other balloons on the nozzle of the plaster machine off, he inadvertently sliced open his balloon, causing plaster to spill everywhere. It was too funny. I'm really glad I joined this art class! The people are nice and it's just so relaxing.

listening to: keep the dog quiet - owen pallett

today was the first day back at school

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be! I like my professors. Or, at least the ones that I met. My math 271 professor has a great Asian accent and he is good at explaining things. I didn't learn anything really in my computer science lecture, I had lunch with Natalie, someone else was filling in for my math 253 professor and he was kind of mean. I was really tempted to take a nap. My philosophy class was cancelled so I went to the bank and to Starbucks and to London Drugs to try to kill time.

I worked and then hung around in Mac Hall. Just as I was about to go to my art lecture, I saw Noor and Roger on Omegle having hilarious conversations with strangers. It tempted me to skip my lecture, but I decided to go anyway. I rode the elevator up with a girl, and after we both got off on the sixth floor, she asked me what class I was in. She was very outgoing, I wish I was more like her. My art class is really small - probably twenty people! The girl I befriended then introduced herself to the other three people sitting near us, so I introduced myself, and I guess we are friends? Or at least friendly. It was nice. My art professor is hilarious! He kept cracking us up unintentionally during class, with his pneumonic devices and his troubles with the computer. We got a tour of the art building, and then we got to go home early. I finally found out what my class is about - sculpting! I get to sculpt! I'm kinda excited.

listening to: i'm a loser - the beatles

to do

Start a taxi fund. Drink two litres of water whenever I want to go drinking. Look up "butthole of the earth". Rewatch my old videos from Montreal and camps.

Oh how I missed Brittany Rae! Today was fun. I also watched Hard Day's Night with my brother and older sister and it was hilarious. I don't want to go back to school!

listening to: willow tree - chad vangaalen

today was a long day

10.5 hour long shifts are tiring. It was slow, and I wore my boots which killed as the day went on (dumb decision on my part). Annie and I went on a dinner date. I helped my sister sell a bunch of raffle tickets. Kyle pocket-dialed the police and they came while we were doing inventory. I'm so tired of counting things (oooooh is this a bigger picture reference? No. No it's not.).

listening to: yesterday - the beatles

i like these things

Movies, no matter how strange or inappropriate, with good friends. Train operators who comment about the weather and hockey games on your commute. Rock band with inexperienced players. New agendas, long conversations, playful fights involving grabbing rods (you know, the rods with clampers at the end of them so you can grab things without having to get up).

what i hate more than most things

Is waiting. Not knowing whether you're going to be relieved or let down. Putting everything on hold because you need this in order to keep going. Letting it take over your mind, causing paranoia, or false hope, or unnecessary scenarios.

I think I'm just too impatient.

listening to: gold gun girls - metric

life goes on

I currently have a 3.34 GPA. I guess it's pretty good considering the amount of time I spent awake/paying attention in my classes. Linear algebra was disappointing though, I honestly thought I did well on that final. Oh well. I guess I'll try harder next semester. I'm going to get the book my cousin recommended to me and study better.

Right now I'm listening to Contra, Vampire Weekend's album that's coming out next Monday. It's good! It's really catchy. And then after I'll listen to Owen Pallet's live recording, and then another live recording. I'm excited for Friday.

edit: I forgot to write about the dream I had last night! I dreamed I somehow acquired a Canon 50D so I was taking pictures of my family, my house etc. but all of the pictures kept coming out terrible. I didn't understand.

listening to: taxi cab - vampire weekend

p.s. i'm not sad!

Just thinking.

heat her up, set her on fire (i love to see that spark in her eyes)

Man, I used to write okay before.

Maybe today I'll bake cookies with Cailey, or get my credit card, or read a book, or play Rock Band with my brother. I wish someone would ask me to hang out for once, it's always the other way around. I could be a hermit.

Last night I had a dream that I had to go to social studies, and my grade four teacher was teaching. It took me so long to find the classroom, and when I got there everyone I knew but weren't really friends with were in that class, and I had to squeeze myself between two people with a desk that wasn't really a desk but a piece of foam.

listening to: starlight - muse

may the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorows

I went to the Kilk today with Cailey, Tess, Ciaran, and their friend Scott for wing night. So many people from Abe were there; we ran in to Riley, who then took us around the bar to see other people, like Nico, and Cole, and a bunch of those guys. It was pretty surreal. Riley was pretty funny because he was so drunk. Do you ever get that feeling where you feel like you're all alone, even though you're with a group of people?

luk yu

I went to a birthday party for a friend I don't see very often, but I love being around him. He's so funny. I wonder why I don't do this more often; they are great friends who honestly care, who are nice and very genuine. They were my first friends at high school; I wonder why we're not so tight anymore. I guess because I tend to drift around, and I found people who I really wanted to hang around and I had to compromise. I'm sorry about that. I wish there was more time.

Sometimes I still miss you. There are feelings that still linger. I think most of it is because I'm wondering why you don't miss me; that's a blow to my self esteem. I feel like I need a good, long, easy conversation with someone.

today is january second

I worked for the first time in three weeks and played Settlers of Catan with my siblings. I sold raffle tickets. Sometimes I wonder if I am really boring, I can't ever have a great conversation with any of my coworkers. I got approved for my credit card, I guess I'll pick it up on Monday. I was supposed to have plans tonight but I didn't really know what was going on. Someone asked me to go see Avatar in thirteen minutes, but I'm feeling lazy and I don't feel like doing anything anymore.

why is this going so slow?!

Wow. I am resolving to never ever drink as much as I did last night, because that was pretty ridiculous. It was fun though! But today it was pretty awful.

I guess I'll backtrack a couple days, since I haven't been going on here lately. Two days ago, I hung out with Heather all day and it was really great! We went shopping on 17th and talked and got our asses kicked by the cold. We went to both Purr locations and got nice stuff. We gave a homeless man some change and he wiped off the snow from her car. Heather thought he was telling her to find another parking spot. We ate at Nellie's and it was delicious, and then we tried to eat a brownie but it was just too big. We went to TD and didn't find anything there, and then she dropped me off at my friend's apartment, where I spent the night.

We went to Superstore to go buy food and liquor, and then we started playing Sociables which was kinda fun. At first it was Maggie, Nick, Jade, and me, and then Toni showed up. After a while we started Skyping with Jacqui, but the internet kept cutting out, and then Jesse came and drank a lot of my vodka. Masart came a while later and Toni and Nick left, and we played Sociables again. Jesse, being totally drunk, stripped off all of his clothes for picture time, even though Maggie meant to be in the shower with his clothes on. Then he made Jade do the same, but in her underwear. Then we all felt like we had enough to drink so we just laid on the bed and talked. Well, listened to Jesse talk about the girl he was in love with until he passed out. Later we tried to get him to wake up because he had to drive home to give his dad his truck's key, but he wouldn't wake up. When we finally tried to move him, he puked all over the carpet and it was so disgusting. We cleaned it all up, and even though I really didn't want Masart to drive home because he was still drunk, he did and that scared the shit out of me. Seriously, I hated the fact that I was letting him go home, but he wouldn't stay over, or decide to take the train, or let us call him a cab. He texted us later and told us that he got home alright, but seriously I never want to be put in that situation ever again. We went to bed at 5:30, after a heart-to-heart with Maggie and Jade, and woke up at 11. I got home at around two, and vacuumed/washed the hardwood floors. Then I took a nap because I was so freaking tired.

I went to the Drum and Monkey to meet up with Heather, and also Tess, Ciaran, and Cailey because they decided to go there too. First I found Cailey and them, and then Heather came by and brought me over to her table to meet her friends. This guy named Cam kept talking to me about UVic, and about being a park ranger or something like that. It was kinda funny and weird at the same time. After a little while I went back to hang out with Cailey and them, and we decided to head back to Tess' house to play games and stuff after a shot. Cailey's mom picked us up, and dropped us off at Ciaran's car. The two minutes standing out in the cold was so bad I couldn't stop shivering! Thank goodness the car ride was short. We brought a whole bunch of liquor from her basement fridge, and the vodka in her kitchen. We also got chips and dip. I first started out with a Corona which turned out to had expired on May 2, 2009, so it was really really strong (that was drink number three for the night, by the way). There was only fifteen minutes until the countdown and none of us were drunk yet, so we decided to play chandeliers. I put way too much vodka in my drinks! It was half and half, and I had to drink four times. And I chugged them all down, it was ridiculous. Tess freaked out that there were only two minutes until midnight, even though it was 11:48 and not 11:58 so that was really funny. After we decided to stop drinking because I knew I was done, and we had only played for seven minutes. I couldn't stand for some odd reason, so I ended up lying on the ground, and Cailey couldn't stop laughing at me and her laugh made me laugh and my laugh made her laugh, so we just couldn't stop laughing because I was really drunk and she wasn't really, but it was just so funny. Tess yelled at us to go downstairs to watch the countdown on the TV because we didn't really know which clock was right, so we made it just in time to count down from five! We banged pots and pans and I made Tess and Ciaran kiss. Tess wanted to count down again because she liked banging the pot, and I laughed at that and Cailey laughed at me. We just could not stop laughing. We went to go play Dutch Blitz, and I couldn't go fast at all. It was as if everything was in slow motion, and I kept doing things wrong and I kept laughing which made it really, really hard. Ciaran won and then we decided to stop playing because it was too hard for me and Cailey. The rest of what happened is kind of a blur, I think Ciaran took the rest of the pictures on my disposable camera because it's now down to zero, and I can't remember if I puked in the bathroom, or if I only puked in the bucket that Tess provided me with. Ciaran was really nice, he held my hair back and rubbed my back while I puked, and gave me bread and water and I just felt so ridiculous. I kept apologizing and saying how embarrassed I was. My dad picked me up and him and my sister laughed at how drunk I was. Then we picked up my younger sister and she judged me. I ate a mini orange and drank another glass of water before I went to bed, but that did not stop me from having the worst hangover ever today. It was so bad!! I am never drinking that much again, ever. I swear on my life.