2.06.2009

"how are you?"

I just have to say I am so thankful I have Mikalina Carss in my life. She writes me notes when I least expect them. She asks me if I am fine, not just to hear that I'm fine, but to make sure that I'm not going through things alone again. She brings me a carton of ice cream to cheer me up, or a container of homemade chocolate chip cookies when I am at my lowest point. She hugs me and makes me feel so good about myself, so comfortable and so assured that things will be alright. She laughs at my jokes and puts up with my harassment, and she is just an amazing friend. I am so lucky. I cannot wait forty-five more days, when we get to spend two weeks in Germany just hanging out pretty much 24/7.

Speaking of band, that class is at the same time so great yet so frustrating. I love when we get to play through Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night, top to bottom. That song doesn't feel like twelve minutes long. Even though we still have a lot of stuff to fix and we make so many mistakes, the skeleton of that song sends chills down my spine. There are so many great parts in that songs, and when I listen to it, my skin turns cold and trembles. It's a weird sensation. But then, when we have to work on small parts of the song, it drives me crazy because we always have to spend such a long time focusing on just one tiny part of the band. I know that it'll make us sound so much better when those things get fixed, but I get so impatient when I have to wait half an hour for the bass line to correct themselves. Honestly, if you can't get your part right, why don't you practice? It would benefit yourself and then entire band. And what is up with the percussion section? They drive me nuts, especially since I always get grouped with them when they act like idiots. They can't even count rests, or play dynamics, or just clue in to the fact that when the band is playing, you should shut your mouth and maybe listen to how things are coming along. It is so frustrating.

But enough about me ranting about band. This week actually hasn't been too bad. Calculus is way easier than I imagined it would be, and now I just sit in the back with my friends and try really hard to listen to Kotow go on about limits and approaching zero. English isn't as bad as I thought it would be either, because we have been doing so many personal responses, and this year I just have so many experiences that I can relate to so many things. I guess some good does come out of heartbreak. I don't know why I always feel compelled to complain about English, though. I do like Writers Workshop because we get to write for the entire period. I guess I've just been so accustomed to disliking being forced to write. I am so bad at writing songs, or poems, or stories when I have to write them. Usually I write better when the idea just spontaneously comes to mind, and everything just flows together. I haven't written anything great in the past year or so, though, so maybe I need to try harder.

Chem AP is the only class I am worried about right now. There are so many complicated concepts to know and understand, and I am a terrible listener when it comes to notes and lectures. Today Mr. Schrottner wasn't at school, and pretty much nobody in my class (which is like, seven people out of the nine) understood anything that we had to read last night. Looks like tutorials until May. Fantastic. I thought that chem AP would be my favorite class, because I really like chemistry and I love small classes, but it's looking to be a real struggle and I am too lazy to try to work hard. Although I am trying.

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