I've been thinking over this so much, to the point where I'm losing so much sleep and I'm constantly finding tears in my eyes. I honestly don't want to feel like this, I want to move on and be consistently happy. I want to stop thinking about you all the time. I want to stop wondering what you're thinking, or if you still want to be my friend, or if you're just so weirded out about all of this. I got a honesty box message with words that are just so true, but I don't know how to tell anyone about this. It is just so much easier to write this without worrying about any immediate judgement. Why do I trust this so much more than an actual friend? It just feels like even I don't completely understand what I'm feeling, and so I highly doubt anyone else will be able to tell me anything that will make me feel better. Actually, one person probably could, but those words will never ever be spoken.
I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to rid myself of everything single memory that I have with you, and all of the feelings that I used to have. You convinced me of so many things. I believed so many things you said, and then you went back on your word. That's part of the pain. But there's so much to it. Now that there's so much space between us, I continuously wonder if you ever loved me at all. I always wonder how you could get over me so fast. If I was just like any of the other girls you went out with. If I ever meant that much to you.
I will never hate you. But I hate the fact that you didn't feel the way I ever felt about you, and how you never will. I hate the fact that I wasn't worth holding on to.
And that's what hurts the most.
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