5.29.2008

i can't pretend that i can't see the end

The weather was beautiful yesterday. Too bad we had to spend the morning indoors, in a gym. I forgot all of my music, and the tambourine somehow did not make it, which I was not pleased about because in some songs, that's the only thing I had to play. But anyways. It was alright, except for the fact that in some songs I had to air tambourine, and I probably looked like a foo-el. And I had to guess a lot on the notes I was supposed to play because I could not remember what I was supposed to play. It was funny, though, because I thought we had to play a certain song again, so I asked Mr. Paddock if I could see the conductor's score for it, and everyone in the front row looks at me funny while Mr. Paddock says, "we're done playing that forever!" Embarrassing.

After that we got to wait around, Gavin and I slid down slippery banisters, and people played rock paper scissors. We went on to sing one song, filed off, and I felt bad for Gavin because he had to wait a long time for us to finally finish. Oh, and let me say now that Ms. Levy's speech did not make much sense at all. And it was really long. Not great at all. Kees, however, had a sweet speech and Cailey, Suzanne, and I agreed it was good. We all put bets on how long we'd have to play Pomp and Circumstance. I had 7:08, most people had from seven to ten minutes. At the last minute, Haley (even though I didn't ask her) said five minutes. We ended up playing for 4:23 (yes, it was timed). Diana, Gavin and I headed to the train after. Diana took the train to Dalhousie and we headed downtown.

We missed the stop right by the bank, so we had to walk a ways back. On the way we passed a bunch of people working for Lipton packing away a inflatable something, and a busker with a cool guitar. It took a while at the bank because my account is messed up. But, I did get a new debit card and it feels good to have money again. We went for a search for food, which wasn't very effective because we talked the whole time and forgot to actually look. We went into the Glenbow because there was a cafe there, but it was expensive so we ended up going to the A&W across from it. There was no Mountain Dew. Anyways, it turned out that we walked past the Calgary Tower without even noticing, so we kept going the wrong way until we were on Macleod Trail. We walked to park and when we looked up, we could see the Calgary Tower a couple blocks from where we had lunch. So we walked back, and went up. It was a good day to go up; it was really sunny and I must admit that the city looks pretty cool from up there. Except for the construction sites right beside the tower.

After we spent a good amount of time up there, we decided to head back down and go to the park where we were before. We sat down by the pool, and it was so nice and warm that we both just laid on the grass. It was really comfy. When it was three, he had to head off so we both got up. Well, he kept poking me to get up, and when I finally did, he made me pull him up. He kept pretending to push me into the water. At one point, I was fighting against it and he just .. held me in his arms for a couple seconds before letting go.

When we got off the train, and had to head off to our buses, I remembered that it was International Hug A Musician day, so we hugged, except it was a bit longer than a usual hug. After I was on my bus, he sent me a text saying how he was glad I didn't make fun of him like the last time I did, and it made us both realize that we've only ever hugged twice, and he told me that he hoped it would happen more often. And he told me that he wanted to talk to me, about something specific I think, because when I talked to him again on MSN later, when I said goodbye, he said he still wanted to talk to me.

Since Tuesday night, my body's been having panic attacks that I haven't felt since that day in January, and it's making me nervous. I have no idea what he's going to say to me, I'm trying not to overanalyze everything but it's really hard right now. It's hard to not look ahead. I hope that what he says is what I want to hear, because after yesterday ... it's just so easy to talk and want physical contact. This suspense is killing me.

listening to: the past is a grotesque animal - of montreal

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