7.16.2007

it could begin and end in one evening

It has been six months and six days, and I have yet to succumb. Go me. I don't think I've written a proper blog in a couple of days, and I am bored out of my mind, so I guess that rambling and uncollected thoughts shall now ensue.

I had a golf tournament today, and while I thought that it was ok, I keep thinking "holy GOD you suck, why are you still playing, just stop wasting your family's money and just QUIT!" There is always that insane voice in my head, though, that says "you'll get better, you just need to practice! You'll be shooting 90s soon enough, you'll get everything together, you just need to be patient!" And all the while, I'm in the middle of "are you fucking kidding?" and "I'll try."

I feel kind of down right now because of golf. It makes me feel like a failure. Especially when the fourteen year old I played with today, with a handicap only five less than me, shoots a 84 while I have an embarrassing 114. This cycle is vicious and it just keeps going full circle. When it comes to golf, I'm always going to come up short and that just fucking sucks.

listening to: swimmers - broken social scene

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